Blood Sacrifice: The Exceptionalism Myth They Fight to Uphold

It's not mental illness.
It's not just self hate+fear illness.
It's settler terrorism.
It's jingoism+ xenophobia marinated in racism.
And it's a kind of endemic cultural violence that leads to civil war. 

I've been eying this road America has been on particularly since Sandy Hook. Since 2012, I said to my dear friend Vernice P. Miller, who had been working at the Whitbey School near Sandy Hook, that night, when she came home from her school's lockdown to my apt where she was staying. 

The immediate reaction to that horrific day  was to call it mental illness.
The other immediate public reaction was to call for a ban on guns to curb gun violence.
Followed immediately by the successful pushback from the NRA and Joe Blow public to preserve the right to be armed to kill. As if we were already in pending war or something...where folks where running rampant popping each other off.
At the time the gun count was just under  300million in this country...that we knew of!
And immediately after all of this
...nothing.

Those little white children were worth nothing to the GOP, the NRA, or the racist fuckers who just wanted the right to carry and to kill. 

That was very informative to my brown foreign body.

I knew I was staring down the path of a civil war, and I said it plainly...but such plainneess couldn't find root in the American consciousness or imagination,  because the #MythOfExceptionalism taught us to think "that cant happen here."

Folks...it happened here before!

And what brought the first one about has not yet been resolved, which therefore has yet to effect a true (r)evolution of belief or systemic leadership in this country.

And...this is...just a country.
Like any other.
Determined by a People.

There have been a few upRisings world wide since then, including the recent ones in Sudan, and Puerto Rico, but America for the most part has been asleep.

239 shootings between 2013 after Sandy Hook to the Parkland shooting in 2018.
to
251 mass shootings since the start of 2019.

Looks like we about to blow y'all.

So much pain for these families. So much terror for those of us trying to go about our business in public spaces.
Since I moved to Washington, an open carry state 4 years ago, there have been several local mass shootings...including at high schools where my partners kids attend.

My 17 year old friend said sullenly when I returned last night, "I'm sorry...welcome back to America."

My partner and I were bemused at how little airplay mass shootings get now. Because they are normalized. Normalized!!!
Like ...oh well, there goes another one. Nothing to see here. 

My family and friends abroad reach out in grave concern for how they see America portrayed in international news. I have lived to see media portrayals turn on a country that strove to control such optics in years past. The Third World looks so appealing now when once it was once portrayed as the place so stay clear of.

Travel advisories now issued about #ComingToAmerica by those same countries immigrating peoples left to have a better life here in the United/Divided States.

This shooter may have been a Trrump supporter, but be clear, he was not invented by Trump.
I am tired and terrified to see folks talking like this shit started under Trump.
This shit CREATED Trump! 

He is a dangerous vehicle that they ride, but they would have found another way.

So call me an alarmist.
I don't give a fuck.
I come from an unfortunate legacy of coups and civil wars.
I know what I'm looking at.
Sorry for you if you can see it straight.

Racism is a constructed sickness, and here in Amerikkka it is heavily armed which makes the color of this worldwide issue particularly ominous here.
You tell me what other ingredients are needed.

The DNC better stop with their ego driven infighting and take a note from the GOP playbook: a collective vision is the only way to turn this tide. 

The last 30 years of Republican projects and lobbies, including the Tea Party paving some of this way, have proven as much. Cuz, here we are...and those party leaders who don't even care about their own foot soldier constituents, are fanning laughing gas into these flames.

I still believe these very nationalist/supremist foot soldiers- the ones who will topple this mythological throne of supremacy themselves. But how much damage will happen before they reckon with the fact that their own heroes of death betrayed them? How much damage will they create within that reckoning?

I don't know what we do about this culturally, because this is a socio-cultural issue too.  And for all the hard realism I peddle in, I also still believe Love has to be a part of the answer and the work.  A functional proactive, hard kind of love, which is frankly the only kind that heals.  

But first - get the legislation to regulate guns once and for all!!

Please pardon any typos. Sent from my so-called 'smartphone' 

Another Robin Hood Capitalist Goes to Africa

“This is a relationship that could bring us all the things we desire,” Jeffrey Wright said. [from NYT Article]
 Will it really?  Not from what I can glean.

Michael Christopher Brown/Magnum, for The New York Times

A few days ago a dear friend sent this New York Times Magazine Article: Jeffrey Wright's Gold Mine, and I had to sit with it for a bit because quite frankly I didn't want to express too soon my innermost reactions of utter distaste.

I am all for the worldwide excitement that now swirls around Africa; I'm overjoyed and inspired by the throngs of Afropolitans who are relocating  there in record numbers to reclaim and rebuild. They, we, have her best interest at heart in investing in her growth and resurgence as the power that she always was - due to her most abundant bossom and talented children.  And make no mistake, this is a very significant event that has created such terms as "reverse migration" or "reverse brain drain" which are being used to describe a very specific socio-economic effect.  Once the Westernized educated classes of third world nations would leave their countries to help build the already powerful industrial nations from which capitalist driven standards hailed.  The effect of this was brain drain (human capital flight) which often left the poorer nations struggling to compete effectively in any international industry due to a lack of skilled work forces.  In turn this would of course affect a nations GDP (gross domestic product) growth.  Now for the first time in the LONG and (still debated) complicated history of world economics, the reverse is occurring.  The wide significance of this can be sourced to many publications and statistical reports, not least of which by the World Bank citing in 2013 that the fastest growing economies belonged mostly to African nations - and Sierra Leone is sustaining her top ranking position on this list.  Time Magazine and The Economist actually had the

same Africa Rising cover issue titles when reporting this phenomenon! There is no coincidence in the fact that the(current) race for Mama Africa (headed by China over 10 years ago) reawakened Europe's interest, and now supposedly 'concerns' that of the USA; - a crazed rush of which her own children are keenly aware.  Africans want ownership interest in her future - OBVIOUSLY.  No child of hers wishes to see her raped and robbed again!  Which brings me back to the responsibility of the individual, and this move by actor Jeffrey Wright and his gold mining project - which sorry, does not have the appearance of real interest in development or profitable investor growth FOR MY country Sierra Leone.  It looks like just the opposite.  

Is it me, or does his pet gold mine project have all the earmarks of the old imperialist model of exploitation for industrial and western profit?! And worse still because he does it under the guise of his right and spiritual destiny as a black man coming to do his part to help rebuild a chosen African nation which he has tricked himself into believing he has interest in!  How can it be real interest if you offer partnership to outside investors (he included) for profits to be removed from the very country you dig up for your personal enrichment?  Unless I'm misinterpreting something here - it seems he's recycling damaging strategies that put Sierra Leone in the very mess he proposes to be aiding to clean.  What fucking hypocrisy!

There are many well-meaning celebrities who have put their face, and sometimes time, effort, or money into charitable pots created by humanitarian organizations - and sometimes unfortunately to little avail.  The model of charity is indeed being reexamined as one that doesn't ultimately help to lift a troubled nation out of poverty. The old adage is true - better to teach one how to fish.   “Charity degrades those who receive it and hardens those who dispense it.” [from NYT article].  Agreed.  Wright cites this quote  in the article - and yes this is true in many cases, but certainly the alternative is not to repeat models of exploitation behind the cloak of a radical Robin Hood capitalist digging for gold instead of diamonds.  And especially not if you're robbing the poor you propose to be educating and empowering Jeffrey! Hello! Ugh - this man, this artist is in the specific performing profession of the empath - that's what you do as an actor, but all I see from this article, as I frankly have seen in some of his performances, is one of an arrogant self-appointed massah.

"Sierra Leone was one of the world’s most failed states. And it is ringed by war-ravaged Liberia and by Guinea, whose government was fast collapsing. To all but the most intrepid, Sierra Leone’s gold didn’t seem worth the gamble." [from NYT article].  And being among the most intrepid gives you no credibility in my book if you can go into such a state nonetheless and take resources and personally control trade in the name of nation rebuilding.  It absolves you of nothing.

Guess I still haven't cooled off yet...

Thank you Bea - this woke me from my personal silence. xo

"The narrative will always glorify the hunter until the lion learns to write."
Just like you said Komla Dumor
#VoiceOfAfrica 

Full New York Times article here

The Scary Business of New Beginnings...

They say you should do something that scares you everyday… Well, check!!

Moving they say is among the top traumas a person can experience, and prior to a couple weeks ago - this whole business of moving out and giving up everything I own was a great conversation piece that inspired only release and celebration...and zero fear.  Then suddenly one day recently, that all changed.  Everyday since has been an exercise in recalling the meditative and spiritual work of this year - and remembering to breathe.  The challenging asanas I've pushed myself in yoga all year to do, I call on now as practice in the asana of release.  Funny that I find myself clinging so tightly now just as I'm about to let go. 

I heard Rev. Bacon say in an interview with Oprah last week that change is like the tumult in a plane.  Pilots explain that when the craft is about to break through the sound barrier the cockpit shakes the most and the body of the craft is at its most unstable.  I love this.  Kind of like the constricting  trauma of the birth canal before air and light; but this new analogy is serving me right now. I'm breaking through the sound barrier - my apartment is the cockpit, and I'm wanting to grip for security before releasing to the cruising altitude on the other side.   Deep and interesting process to observe on a daily basis.  

I'm now at the 2 week mark and I FEEL my body poised and sharply focused on the task at hand.  There is not a single moment for renegotiation left.  It's do or bust. And I'm doing this most involved work WHILE preparing for immediate travel and 3 exhibitions!  Of course.  Hahaha.  But stoop sales are the biggest 'DO' right now and I don't particularly enjoy them because I feel like I'm in a fish bowl brandishing my panties for the world to stare at!  That said - I've been ushered prior into this process by the presence of friends and family so I could get my feet wet.


But unlike those other days where we've had mini impromptu stoop parties, today I had my first solo stoop sale and it was not only a real physical work out, but a true test of breathing away the histrionics, overcoming the fears and getting necessary work done.  I set this all in motion when I decided to release my life here in New York,  and so I have to go through these logistics - which are hardly as romantic as the reasons or the stories behind them. 
       
So...I didn't have the hand holding today that  my little heart yearned for, but such conditions yield deep spiritual truths about where to hold energy and how to stand in an exposed vulnerable space with your center in tact.  It's not easy watching people assess the worth of your belongings...that for you  are so rich with sentimental value.  But with each breath, I experienced the liberty that this entire move is ushering me towards.  And added to that, I was called and visited by sweet souls all day who delivered gems of deep encouragement for this soul work.  Even the guys in the clothing store across the street watched my stuff for me when I had to walk away or show someone my stuff for sale inside the apartment. It's remarkable how sweetly held I was by strangers and new neighbours and passersby who questioned and then celebrated my reasons for my move. It emboldened my sense of courage to continue, to sit in my fish bowl and get about the business of releasing my things, my emotional attachments, my fears, my ego...

These moments are the practice for when I am untethered and on my way to Sierra Leone at the end of the year.   This is the TRUTH right here.  Wow.  Yemaya. 

Humbled • Scared •  Determined • Grateful. 

Naked in the Shadow

The Shadow came and covered my place, my doorway, my face.  It was like having a solid steel block placed over my heart-space while I lay flat on a cold ground gasping for air.  

That damn persistent Shadow...

I have never stopped myself so consciously from writing before.  I never experienced so physically the effects of such mindful resistance.  I feel it now as I write.  

My whole life I've been told to write, or that I would inevitably be a writer.  I never wanted to accept such prophecy because it meant so many things that I somehow concluded would make my life a misery.  It meant I would be alone.  It meant I would never dance.  It meant I couldn't act. It meant I wasn't pretty enough.  I could never be a popular or fun person who attracted the company of other popular or fun people if I spent my whole day writing about all the crap that ran around in my head.  Funny - as nowadays none of these conditions hold my interest.  Well that's not entirely true.  But the recluse I feared I would be as a writer, is now actually how I choose to exist.  It's how I feel safe.  And now my head is full of thoughts that must come out - UNinterrupted.  Ha!  Isn't that it?  Writing is speaking your mind UNinterrupted?  

Anyway despite my resistance, -a lifetime of active resistance through a number of other activities and professions- I would still write.  Since the age of 6 I started writing...copiously.  And when the rush of thoughts would barrel through me, nothing could stop me from recording it.  Added to mounds of journals, I have so many napkins, internal book sleeves, and scrap papers with sentences, phrases, or whole passages scribbled on them.  I can't count how many draft documents I've typed, never written for public consumption mind you, just for the release I uncontrollably needed. 

In fact the only public consumption of my writing have been assignments in college, a mere handful of published essays and articles, and this blog.  I never tried to take it beyond that you see.  But in each of these instances, I was frightened when my work was well received.  The fright was that I made possible the prophecy of being a 'writer', and thus the Shadow that could rob me of the otherwise active life I thought I wanted.  

But this last month I felt suffocated in a way I never expected or experienced.  I would be sitting on my outside stoop or on the train, or doing some other activity when suddenly a rush of thoughts and words would come over me and through me.  I know this feeling so well and precisely how I've always reacted to it. But this time I would literally, consciously decide to let it slip away.  I would plant myself, sit it out,  STOP myself from grabbing a pen or running to the computer to write.  And that freaked me out.  It is freaking me out.  It's freaking my friends out too.  So much so that as I verbally explained this to one of them, my dear Vernice made me sit down immediately to write this in her presence to release myself...

So here I am, ...naked.

And here I will stay...embracing this prophecy.  Many thoughts have bubbled in this winter of introspection.  I was so still that if I wrote anything, it would be the only action and so...resistance. 
It seems awfully obvious now, and reveals me as a bit mad and slow on the uptake...but, of course I can do everything I've done before, just now it's time to openly embrace 'writing' as one of...  But on the way here, maybe it's okay, as Saul Williams said: "to throw away the pad and pen, and simply be the poem." Perhaps all this exploration has been to gather tales and living poetry to share; dispatches from a mad lab of endless searching for wholeness. 

Indeed.  And this search shall take me home, the reports of which will be shared through my lens and my pen.

Sierra Leone.  

It is time.

...on the Cusp of Growing Up in America

The difficulty for me each year is to figure out the answer this internal question:  How do I celebrate or participate in Black History Month? 

Those who have been in intimate company with me know the intricacies of my conclusion that the US is a nutty place to live.   It is ceaselessly astonishing to me that this daring land of the We the..free, should still be today -despite a litany of admirable efforts and results consistent with 'the dream'- so obstinately shackled in old societal clashes of race, gender, and gun violence at the near 50% dividing line in the population!  And - that the sluggish transcendence of these issues seem to go unnoticed as harbingers to our pervading inequalities in health and education, that would nurture a more autonomously creative society truly free to pursue that so-called right to happiness without these  mind-reducing and soul-crushing tensions. 

But -  to the matter of this persisting social construct of 'race' in this our 'Black History Month' - it is a rather inadequate recognition and inspires far less reverence in me than say a Date of Remembrance or any single historical event. I therefore rarely arrive at an answer that satisfies, because it is to me - the absence of this specially named  month that might remove the stigma of "Black" as something that is the victimized  "Other" and still in need of special recognition.

Some words by James Baldwin (guest of honor at the National Press Club [CSPAN 1986]) serve for me as the best summary of the urgency of this absurdity.  Drag the player to listen [from 38.16 - 40:50] where he answers questions on race relations in America today... "A modest proposal: How about White History Week?!"

view on Netflix

What would be far more useful in empowering and transcending this distinction I believe would be to return to the base, to the beginning both in the telling of all history and where it is taught.   Lost Kingdoms of Africa for instance, is not to be reserved for private video rentals or  hosted exhibitions and talks in a special month reserved for such dissemination.  It would be better to further press our institutions to assure this as mandated eduction for ALL children;  as we, and as they are now taught of the Greeks and Romans and other old Empires.  It should all be a matter of course, but we still live in a time where such knowledge is threatening for unfortunate, unfair, and frankly expired reasons and thus still face opposition in appeals for wide cultural dissemination.  This unspoken social reparation of a notable month, fought for and understandably believed to be our entitlement, is but a false right that reinforces our separation through touted celebrations of abbreviated triumphs of our 'overcoming'  in the last 50 -100 years as a people, and serves only and still to do just that …to separate and to annihalite a much longer story fitted for attention in one month out of the year(?)!!  The entitlement of this 'special interest' is an insufficient delusion that serves none of the so-called races, in any culture, least of all blacks who are  now 'integrated members' of society. To these points, I highly recommend listening to Nigerian writer Chimamanda Adichie who spoke so eloquently in a TED talk on "the danger of the single story" and its effect on cultural histories and contemporary  relationships.  

Wikipedia Image

Indeed there are many equalizing effects that the presence of Barack Obama and his family have had on the image of people of colour in the US and the world view to be certain, along with countless other figures; we can see it all over the media. But still and yet, here we are and more than ever divided almost violently by race.  All you have to do is turn on the local evening news in this country. Or, read a few YouTube comment threads - it's amazing how fast a reasonable discussion will descend into senseless vitriol.  2013 people!!! And this while the world considers a first black Pope - and an African to boot - to rescue the declining influence of the Catholic church - which I venture to guess would also be fun for pictures but would change little in their institutional doctrine. 

Yes.  Change,...in modern history, is certainly here, but so hypocritically welcomed that it appears as a hallucination of ironies at best. Note that in researching for this post, I found a bare few reports from any of the world news orgs on the Black Pope headliner...but much more on the international political vying over which country the next Pope will come from. Yeah - so much for separation of Church and State...  This paired with premature news fodder on who will be the 1st Woman President of the United States. Could it be Michelle Obama who is both black AND a woman?!  And on that matter - as we head towards the next Women's History Month - dare we dream that:

1) the leading religions - the heirachal power structures between Man and God that have rewritten a lot of history (ironically)in the name or preservation of God's kingdom - may consider allowing Women to participate, and lead...too?
2) the two most powerful imperial entities -America and the Vatican- will disabuse their delusional right of power over the natural, social, and spiritual worlds and allow equality and validity of all existence?  

THIS could eradicate the need for a month of head patting!


I indeed understand how the necessity these special History Months came about, I just wish we no longer had need for them.  The growing up simply isn't happening fast enough for me I guess...
Suffice it to say - this month I celebrated nothing. But I did find James Baldwin. 


Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.
~ James A. Baldwin





 
PAST RELATED POSTS:
A Response to Dispatches from (A)MENDED America (December 2008)

What it means to PRIORITIZE!!! (March 2009)

"Why Do You Talk So White?!!" - (Uh oh - it's a race rant...) (March 2012)

How to Think...if we're still interested....

It's official - I'm cheating on my boyfriend Albert Einstein with Chris Hedges - hahahaha

It all started with the brilliant, direct, and accessible argument against fundamentalism in I Don't Believe In Atheists, 2008.  Now I own 3 more of his books and follow his writings on Truthdig.  We have few of these minds left people - I highly recommend taking in some of his jottings.

Hedges is a Pulitzer Prize winning author with 20 years under his belt as a war correspondent for the New York Times,  Christian Science Monitor, and NPR (National Public Radio). This life experience is paired with an MA from the Harvard Divinity School - which I imagine broadens his analytical discourse exponentially.  He dissects all aspects of societies and troubles therein - pulling references from the humanities, science, and a profound facility for assertive reasoning. He minces nothing, spares nothing, and gives it straight - which is not only refreshing but so necessary for those of us who dare listen.  

Reality is more illusion than ever before where we willingly live entrenched in bullshit (aka overdose of mind-numbing distraction and impractical 'positive thinking') to the point of harmful asininity  which seems more now to paralyze our ability to think critically, to speak and act honestly, and to listen to our instincts.  All points he appeals in near desperation.  

I love this man's mind.  Lofty be his brilliance, but his rhetoric is more firmly footed than most of our intellectuals today. 

Here is his latest post on the survival and endurance of culture through and because of The Arts:  How to Think on Truthdig

 

RELATED JOURNEY POSTS:

Why "i•ma•gine | e•volve"  (April 2012)

Perceptions and People (February 2012)

My Lifetime Crush on a Quirky Scientist (January 2012)

The e-Con Highway (November 2010)

Adopted Yank and iPad Published

Two quick bits of change folks:

1)  I'm officially a Yankee -  I was adopted by the United States of America as of Dec 13, 2011 at 10:20 hours.  Should be interesting coming up with a new acronym of identity now along with all the other nations I claim - haha!!  JABAG???

2)  Some of you may have heard already,  but here it is again, I have a new article featured in an iPad App Magazine, Small Talk.   

I was commissioned to write a feature length article on Fuerza Bruta in the late fall for their 4 year anniversary, complete with photos and video, titled:  The Spirit Dreams When You Look Up.   

    

that's my shot from Fuerza Bruta on the iTunes page!  YeeHAW!

So if you have an iPad, ...which funny enough I don't...lol - please check it out by either purchasing the current issue (only $2.99!!), OR, just subscribing for the year on iTunes (just $19.99).   It's a great mag covering arts, entertainment, and culture world wide and I will be working with them on upcoming issues, so hop on it! 

Direct Link:  Small Talk Magazine on iTunes

Weiner isn't the only weiner who should resign...

Incredible. First there's talk of the EPA being dismantled (cuz who the hell needs clean air and water anyway?!!). Then Pawlenty suggests dismantling Amtrak since it isn't profitable. And now Romney releases a few unfortunate quips on privatizing FEMA. I can't decide if these people are just plain dumb, crazy, or pure evil. Sure boys, while we're at it - let's skip the gradual 'screw the world initiative', and high tale it to privatizing the government (especially considering the now apparent prerequisite for Republican leadership: IRRESPONSIBLE & RICH). 

Why pretend to believe there should be a body of individuals assigned to protect and serve its country and people? Just tell the millions who'll disappear into nonexistence that it's just better for business. Oh wait, we could just feed them the newly developed (and sustainable) shit burgers. I wonder if in his free time, Weiner is following or tweeting any of this from his sex rehab quarters.  WTF is going on???!!!!!!

Links:

Republican Plans for Dismantling the EPA

Pawlenty blunder

Romney's stance on the immoral role of FEMA

Meat from Shit - YUMMY!!

And why isn't this all on the news???

Beautiful Ironies

A persistent belief of mine, even in the most trying of times is that unexpected beauty in life shatters our monument to suffering.  When we experience an unlikely turn of events in the last minute of fitful desperation, or  witness a just reward for sacrificial work of an underdog, we cannot help but be inspired; yet to hold on to this inspiration requires a williingness to release the often irresistable need to hold blame.

While I've been busy in my little cocoon these past months, trying to figure out which way to turn next and how to get there with confidence and gratitude as my companions (because it's been a bit challenging to hold the road with them lately...) I have been slapped back to reality with three most inspiring and ironic things over the past days.

As we see a historic end to the Oprah Winfrey Show today (so many of us grew up with this woman-with-a-message, whether we watched all along or not), I tuned into one of her farewell shows last week, and she did me in AGAIN!!   It was a rainy, gloomy day and I was feeling particularly sapped of motivation - and boy did her show bring me to my senses.  She highlighted the lives of two incredibly 'unlikely' beacons of hope and true purpose (Oprah being one too, if we recall this billionaire's beginnings):  

Photo: Oprah Winfrey Website

Mattie J. T. Stepanek - Thirteen years young and centuries old in wisdom, this wheel chair bound prophet spent his very short life from the age of three, spreading messages of love, peace, joy, and delight with life.  A boy who had every reason to sing only woes of his very trying physical existence with muscular dystrophy, but chose (or was chosen) instead to guide his experience here on earth as one of consistent and constant gratitude and wonderment with life. He shared this message with millions through his writings, and by the end of his life, Mattie had 6 New York Times bestsellers of his poems and one of his essays.  He is currently being considered for sainthood!

 

See a short tribute clip of his life: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/A-Tribute-to-Mattie-JT-Stepanek

Your heartsong is your inner beauty.  It's the song in your heart that wants you to help make yourself a better person, and to help other people do the same. Everybody has one.

~Mattie J.T. Stepanek, 1990 - 2004~

photo: Oprah Winfrey Website

Dr. Tererai Trent, Ph.D. -  From a poor rural farming village in Zimbabwe and denied an education simply because she was girl, set her dreams of earning the highest academic credentials in the unimaginably distant United States of America.  She wrote these dreams on a piece of paper and buried them under a rock. Then proceeded to be challenged at every step - sold into marriage at 11 years old, mothering 4 children by the age of 20, being severely abused by a husband who refused her any space to learn anything let alone go to school. But she persevered against these impossible odds to see the suffix 'Ph.D.' follow her name.

Photo: Oprah Winfrey Website

I remember very well my father pointing to my brothers and the other boys in the village and saying: 'These are the breadwinners of tomorrow. We need to educate them. We need to send them to school. The girls will get married.'

~Tererai Trent~

See Tererai's story here: http://www.oprah.com/world/Tererai-Trent-Returns-to-Zimbabwe-to-Share-Her-Story-Video

Then, just yesterday we were given near unimaginable video footage to add to the unfolding shift in inspiring relationships in our world today, when Michelle and Barack Obama were greeted MOST ceremoniously by the Queen of England, complete with a 41 gun salute from antique muskets and canons by the Scottish Guard on the Buckingham Palace grounds.  I needn't wax on about the historical complexity of this image except to express my exact thoughts upon watching the footage - that seated at the 'highest' table were the most elite lineage of our collective  ancestors of slaves and slave masters toasting each other and their 'special' relationship in basically ruling the world.  I felt so awed, inspired, utterly amazed and filled by the meaning of this.  It's no small matter, and irrespective of how we may or may not feel about these people as individuals, this was a sight to behold and one that I know our parents and elders (regardless of race, culture, or social standing) would never have imagined, and unfortunately that my father, one of the first black Queens Counsel attorneys in England, never lived to see. And it got me thinking...

When people can no longer be blamed, or historical atrocities, past indiscretions, or other external circumstances can no longer utilized as reasons for the real or perceived inadequacies of our lives, it simply means we must now take real responsibility for what we dream of, where we invest our energies, and how we work to fulfill our purpose - our 'heartsong'. This is the paradoxical manifestation of desires fulfilled  - individually AND collectively; as the old adage cautions, "Be careful what you wish for..."  

One personal example of a wish, and embarrassing gripe: I keep wishing for money to purchase new camera so I can get on with my work.  But I already have a camera - it may be old, but it still works beautifully, so what do I think will change in my creative process by getting a new one??  It cannot be denied - I AM, we ARE starting at the same line of possibility each day we awake, and the attitude and energy we bring to it will determine how the race is run.  Funny how nothing could be more terrifying, or more exciting.  And how beautifully ironic.

For more footage of this, see BBC links below:

Obama toasts the Queen

The Queen toasts Barack and Michelle Obama

footage updates (may 26th) - Obama becomes the first US President to address the UK Parliament in Westminster, and was introduced most admiringly with the famous quote, so apt for this post and all the people spoken of here:

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." ~Abraham Lincoln

 

comment from youtube:

 "Great Speech. I am an American who lives in the UK and it feels so good not to have to apologize for my president anymore. President Obama has returned dignity, thoughtfulness and intelligence to his office."

Inconsistency of optional identities

Sometimes I feel like a shit photographer with just a bunch of 'great' ideas.

Sometimes I feel like a great photographer with either stupid ideas, 

     or worse, 

     NO IDEA.

Most times I don't feel like a photographer at all

Just a dreamer, a shapeless artist with intangible ambitions, 

     itching to move away from 'craft' 

     and more into seeing, 'be-ing', believing

Living with a childlike heart and precocious lust to rewrite the world 

     with the pen of my lens 

     to create a new vision

     or version

     of reality

Cuz sometimes this version sucks!

Pier @ 79th Street, near the Boat House Basin, New York City

The Ruling Valve

Performer: Crimson Heart Replica 

Does the wounded part of your heart direct your life, or do the wishes of the soft untarnished part race to create your experiences? People say life is short.  But I say life is long.  Think of how many memories you have, how many people you've met, how many disappointments you've moved past, how many surprises have tickled your outlook?  And just think how many more of those are ahead.  Every aspect of life, major or minor, in every place you have lived, every job you've had, every failing or successful result from any effort, every person - asshole or angel, stranger, family member, or friend, has shaped and reshaped your choices for your life,  the lessons you've learned, and how you feel about yourself and others...in short your identity...your heart.  

Our hearts get molded and recolored over and over again, but over the course of this long LONG journey we start to see and feel a graphic pattern of our ruling valve; the one that shapes our perceptions of this journey.  Does your ruling valve restrict flow to protect the whole heart from the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune*?  Or does it pump energetically and openly, absorbing those arrows with an enduring life flow of wonderment and delight?  We all know the latter creates ease, and the former creates pressure...and with enough of the former, follows an inevitable implosion of explosive destruction.  That valve would restrict any inclination for open exploration, including the idea that seeking to remain innocent is life affirming, rather than emotional suicide.  

Like most people, my valves work in shifts, and as I get older I restrict myself more frequently - which always comes about from

fotos © Monique MOGI Gilpin

fear of a myriad of things, including fear of wanting good things for myself. But my ever dreaming childlike valve keeps screaming to reign supreme.  I breathe better by searching for fair perspectives in things; mercy and forgiveness  amidst negativity, acceptance of the inexplicable or indelible hurts, and the insistence in dancing on common ground with myself and everyone I share space and time with.  Yes there are some serious assholes out there, and real life challenges to contend with, but I feel we must understand that those who behave like assholes are simply people who are emotionally restricted by fear; and that the mental and physical work required to overcome personal conflicts or life challenges are better sustained with an open flow of positive energy (if even at a distance), than by use of suffocating anger or despairing restrictions of the heart.

What you are choosing at this precise moment is what is ruling your life at present.  But life is long, so there's time, now - if there's a need - to change your ruling valve.  What you feel, is how you live. It's your heart, no one can break it, build it, or open it more completely than you. 

* from Shakespeare's Hamlet, III.i., To be, or not to be, - sililoquy
 

----

Crimson Heart Replica: Beautiful Mistake

"My music is my natural instinct, an illustration of immense emotion bleeding out from passionate hearts and souls." ~CHR 

---

To all my peeps who keep my ruling valve open. 

♡♡♡

"Sonnet 29" - Performed by  Rufus Wainright, Clips from Pride & Prejudice:

When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

--William Shakespeare

 ---

NOTE to Facebook Readers: 
videos may not show so you will have to visit click "View Original Post" to see them.  

RELATED JOURNEY POSTS:   Warm Light and Love (AUG 2010)

                         I Broke Up With Self-Sabotage...(JUNE 2010) 

SUPPORT POST: Another Modern Salone Pilgrim

So by now you know that every now and then I just HAVE to drop a word about a friend/fellow artist/seeker/human being who is on their own  inspiring journey.  Another such soul is MyronChristian Macauley.  Yes - um we have the same name, AND we come from the same country, Sierra Leone, AND, AND, he's a photographer and a fine one at that. 

MCM image from Marc Ecko ad campaign in Europe

A mutual friend  - also a photographer and restaurant owner, Sean John, introduced us some years ago and I've been an admirer of Christian's vision ever since. I've heard him refer to the body of his work in a nutshell as a hybrid of fashion and fine art photography...well...with a big helping of spiritual mysticism I might add.  His images have a dreamlike, ethereal quality that is attempted by many image makers today but rarely accomplished to this standard. Rather than one-dimensional aesthetic imagery, I think Christian produces mentally and emotionally provocative beauty.  

He recently put out a coffee table book, Modern Man in Search of Soul, Pub. MCM Collective, July 2010, currently available on Amazon.com, and at Bookophilia (if you're in JA) which showcases some of his best mystical work chronicling his creative and personal  spiritual journey over the past seven years in Thailand, Brazil, Kenya, India, and Greece. 

During my last stop in New York I made it a huge priority to get the book for my library. I ran over to Sean's spot, Spur Tree, to meet up with Christian and Danae Grandison of (book designer from KGN6 Design  and business partner for the MCM Collective)to get my copy.  Of course there's no big mystery why I'd love it (having been on my own version of Eat, Pray, Love for the past year and a half!), but trust - if you flip through this journey, you'll be transported further than any plane can take you.  

Here's a video from MCM's journey:

Modern Man in Search of A Soul from ofa on Vimeo.

Footage and reactions from a recent Pop-Up Gallery show in SoHo:

You can find more about him here:

-JAMATI

-The Observer

-MyronChristian Macauley blog 

You can buy your book at these places too:

-Greenlight Bookstore 

(Fort Greene, Bklyn - in store)

-Georgia Salon 

(Nolita, NY - in store)
www.georgianyc.com

-Studio Museum of Harlem (NY)

144 West 125th Street

(212) 864-4500
-MCJ bookstore 

(Nolita, NY - in store)
www.mcnallyjackson.com/

K&M Camera 

(Tribecca, NY)
www.kmcamera.com‎

RELATED JOURNEY POSTS:  The Wanderer: And Old Path to Renewal (Feb 2010)

                                                Marathon for Stillness (March 2010)

                        SOLE of REDEMPTION: Majesty of the Little Things (May 2010)