The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.~
When the space for open discourse and mutual understanding and respect have been eroded by stubborn self-righteousness on all sides, how do you carve out a new opening?
The extent of any the damage and temperamental pollution in any personal conflict always determines how much work needs to be done to clear the air. It often takes courage, a sense of safety and trust, and an open and interested heart to look at your part in the mess, to admit to it, and to let yourself receive the same from the other.
I'm no fan of conflict (as most of us aren't - ha!). It's upsetting, and my default is either to run; and if I stay, it is to express, to listen, to be heard, to concede, and to attempt to reach across the fence with palms up - so as to arrive at an even clearer and heightened space in my relationships. I've been told by some that this is courage, by others, that it's cowardly, and by others still, that it's a crock of unrealistic new-age arrogant bullshit.
Gandhi said that "anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding", that "anger is the enemy of non-violence and pride is the monster that swallows it up". I couldn't agree more. But intolerance I feel is perhaps the worst ingredient of all. If someone pisses you off, that's fine, we're human, and as fallible individuals, we gather baggage, we create unrealistic expectations of others, and we disagree on many matters of conduct. But it's how we rise and fall from our tirades of perceived rejection that sets the lasting impression of our character, and creates the clearings or obstacles to personal growth and inner peace.
It is important to ask: when the inner warrior stops swinging, is it because you subdued your foe, or because you subdued yourself? Did you speak more, or listen more? Did you seek to be understood, ...or to understand? What did you say, what did you hear, what did you learn? Did you walk away with a more open heart, or with declarations of justified intolerance? Do you feel better at the end of a fray only if the other acquiesced to your point of view? Are you committed to winning only by being right? And what's the prize exactly? Sometimes it feels great to be right, sure, but in the short term. If there was little risk or sacrifice of ego in acquiring it though - then haven't we actually lost? I love a good debate, and I'm passionate about my convictions, and I've been rightly accused of being condescending at times. But pertaining to personal differences, no matter the position I have, or the facade I attempt to create, I inevitably will carry the burden of knowing when my 'right' was actually wrong. Not fun at all.
We must be honest about the hurt of having our toes crushed, for certain, but we can only 'win' new ground by also accepting our part in the dance, otherwise our growth is stunted and our tempers remain unsettled. It's hard work to cry, and then to smile, and then to offer love when we are confronted with rejection, but the rewards of doing so earn far more trust and respect, if not from your opponent, at least then for yourself.
Conversely, at times it's best to ration our exposure to incompatible souls. Sometimes it's best to concede and accept unfavourable outcomes as some souls are immutable, or even dangerous in their erruptions. Whenever I arrive at such a juncture, I end up asking: Is this truly enlightenment and acceptance? Is it brave? Or is it a wimpy act of avoidance for the sake of peace? I'm not always sure.
Either way, I think it's ultimately more comfortable to surrender my pride, and take personal responsibility in the end. I'm inspired by the intense need to create safety through honest disclosure of my fears, concerns, needs, and disappointments, in the hope that this may create a safe space for others to do the same. For peaceful relationships? Yes. For a desire to live in love? Absolutely! In the end, it's the only play on this spacious board of life that I can sleep with.
On a frivolous note...the mushrooms came back!
And look how happy SpongeBob is despite being under seige!
Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.~
Shared sectional prize with Julian N. Dadag for Adult Photgraphy...AND...Trophy Time!! Just walking on clouds and speaking in tongues at this point - Lol
