Justice Reform discussions with NAACP and POTUS: Long Game

Back to the grassroots of community organizing to address Justice Reform.  "Back to" I say -  if you actually thought Obama ever left.  I've always thought he was busy gathering and establishing and clearing grounds of power to check some political mates.  Impatience always obscures the view of many and often creates disconnected forgetfulness or... selective memory. But for a few there is that thing called The Long Game.




And here we are now…tackling the problem of the School to Prison Pipeline.  Going down the VERY long list of judicial issues and injustices visited upon the Black and Latino population in particular.  We cannot expect any effective change in equalizing opportunity for education, growth, or sustainable success - or at least a shot at it, if the way we apply law and punishment isn't also equalized.

"If you are a parent, then you know there are times when boys and girls are gonna act out in school. So the question is: are we going to let principals and parents deal with one set of kids while we call the police on another set of kids? That's not the right thing to do." - President Obama




I find it interesting that we live in a country and a time where much of the fodder around this latest headline speech is that our President is becoming what we feared he'd become... Huh?  

#schooltoprisonpipeline #stopthecycle #newdayslavery #disciminatoryincarceration #massincarceration #mybrotherskeeper #juvenilesentencing #futurecitizens #notsustainable #HumanRights #EqualRights #mandatorydiscretion #JusticeReform
#logic

A Letter to Rachel Dolezal

Dear Rachel Dolezal,

As I have posted online countless times, I will offer again, in such times, my deferral to the inimitable James Baldwin:

"White is a state of mind" baby!

Meaning, as I'm sure you know, - RACE is a state of mind.  I am not mad you lady; confused by you, but not mad at you.  So you wanted
to be ME, and play a black woman in this world.  Okay.  You certainly could have chosen easier ways to practice your vocational work in civil rights and liberties efforts, an easier way to do the job as it were.  And from what I understand, you've been doing a great job, which you were not given due to any privileges.  So, this matter is a personal one then.  As far as I see it, you have not hurt the cause, or my cause, nor created any potholes in my lawn.  In fact, you may have helped in some indirect odd way.  Who woulda thunk it - a blondie that supposedly gentlemen prefer now wants to be ME!! Well I'll be.

As far as your identity issues, well - keep exploring. If most of us dig deep enough - we can relate.  After all, we are ONE right? And this is the journey we're all on really...to move from the illusive self...to an integrated self. Just keep it honest would be my only advice. People get really upset about lying you see.

And don't you agree that we should get back to the real business at hand - like flooding platforms with vehement comments and the streets with urgent cries on picket signs about the dire humanitarian crisis that is going on at the DR/Haitian border AS WE SPEAK?!  You know - that racial cleansing, stateless sanctioning, reverse forced exodus of a people just a few miles south - the Palestine of the Western Hemisphere dare I be so harsh???!!! 

I know, I know, Facebook needs this fodder, and those TV appearances and book deals are flooding in, soon to buff your bank account, but aren't you just itching to get to get back to some real work here for the true effective betterment of our black brothers and sisters?  Yeah, me too.

To the cause!! And let the forum of idle chatter scatter you transracial poster child you! But I won't call you a bad mamma-Jenner though. Nope. Don't see the connection.

Oh and nice tan and perm by the way - fooled us all, but - it cost us nothing, so over and out.

~  Sincerely from the Monuments of MLK

"If we are to have peace on Earth, our loyalties must become ecumenical rather than sectional.  Our loyalties must transcend
our race, our tribe, our class, and our nation; and this means we must develop a world perspective."

Berette Macaulay

Naked in the Shadow

The Shadow came and covered my place, my doorway, my face.  It was like having a solid steel block placed over my heart-space while I lay flat on a cold ground gasping for air.  

That damn persistent Shadow...

I have never stopped myself so consciously from writing before.  I never experienced so physically the effects of such mindful resistance.  I feel it now as I write.  

My whole life I've been told to write, or that I would inevitably be a writer.  I never wanted to accept such prophecy because it meant so many things that I somehow concluded would make my life a misery.  It meant I would be alone.  It meant I would never dance.  It meant I couldn't act. It meant I wasn't pretty enough.  I could never be a popular or fun person who attracted the company of other popular or fun people if I spent my whole day writing about all the crap that ran around in my head.  Funny - as nowadays none of these conditions hold my interest.  Well that's not entirely true.  But the recluse I feared I would be as a writer, is now actually how I choose to exist.  It's how I feel safe.  And now my head is full of thoughts that must come out - UNinterrupted.  Ha!  Isn't that it?  Writing is speaking your mind UNinterrupted?  

Anyway despite my resistance, -a lifetime of active resistance through a number of other activities and professions- I would still write.  Since the age of 6 I started writing...copiously.  And when the rush of thoughts would barrel through me, nothing could stop me from recording it.  Added to mounds of journals, I have so many napkins, internal book sleeves, and scrap papers with sentences, phrases, or whole passages scribbled on them.  I can't count how many draft documents I've typed, never written for public consumption mind you, just for the release I uncontrollably needed. 

In fact the only public consumption of my writing have been assignments in college, a mere handful of published essays and articles, and this blog.  I never tried to take it beyond that you see.  But in each of these instances, I was frightened when my work was well received.  The fright was that I made possible the prophecy of being a 'writer', and thus the Shadow that could rob me of the otherwise active life I thought I wanted.  

But this last month I felt suffocated in a way I never expected or experienced.  I would be sitting on my outside stoop or on the train, or doing some other activity when suddenly a rush of thoughts and words would come over me and through me.  I know this feeling so well and precisely how I've always reacted to it. But this time I would literally, consciously decide to let it slip away.  I would plant myself, sit it out,  STOP myself from grabbing a pen or running to the computer to write.  And that freaked me out.  It is freaking me out.  It's freaking my friends out too.  So much so that as I verbally explained this to one of them, my dear Vernice made me sit down immediately to write this in her presence to release myself...

So here I am, ...naked.

And here I will stay...embracing this prophecy.  Many thoughts have bubbled in this winter of introspection.  I was so still that if I wrote anything, it would be the only action and so...resistance. 
It seems awfully obvious now, and reveals me as a bit mad and slow on the uptake...but, of course I can do everything I've done before, just now it's time to openly embrace 'writing' as one of...  But on the way here, maybe it's okay, as Saul Williams said: "to throw away the pad and pen, and simply be the poem." Perhaps all this exploration has been to gather tales and living poetry to share; dispatches from a mad lab of endless searching for wholeness. 

Indeed.  And this search shall take me home, the reports of which will be shared through my lens and my pen.

Sierra Leone.  

It is time.

Sisyphean Struggles vs Overcoming like a Trojan

This is quite connected to the #MindtheGap philosophy that I am working my way back to. Here is a wonderful and accessible explanation for why we do what we do, and why we despair when it is no longer serving us...

Dan Ariely: What makes us feel good about our work?

...on the Cusp of Growing Up in America

The difficulty for me each year is to figure out the answer this internal question:  How do I celebrate or participate in Black History Month? 

Those who have been in intimate company with me know the intricacies of my conclusion that the US is a nutty place to live.   It is ceaselessly astonishing to me that this daring land of the We the..free, should still be today -despite a litany of admirable efforts and results consistent with 'the dream'- so obstinately shackled in old societal clashes of race, gender, and gun violence at the near 50% dividing line in the population!  And - that the sluggish transcendence of these issues seem to go unnoticed as harbingers to our pervading inequalities in health and education, that would nurture a more autonomously creative society truly free to pursue that so-called right to happiness without these  mind-reducing and soul-crushing tensions. 

But -  to the matter of this persisting social construct of 'race' in this our 'Black History Month' - it is a rather inadequate recognition and inspires far less reverence in me than say a Date of Remembrance or any single historical event. I therefore rarely arrive at an answer that satisfies, because it is to me - the absence of this specially named  month that might remove the stigma of "Black" as something that is the victimized  "Other" and still in need of special recognition.

Some words by James Baldwin (guest of honor at the National Press Club [CSPAN 1986]) serve for me as the best summary of the urgency of this absurdity.  Drag the player to listen [from 38.16 - 40:50] where he answers questions on race relations in America today... "A modest proposal: How about White History Week?!"

view on Netflix

What would be far more useful in empowering and transcending this distinction I believe would be to return to the base, to the beginning both in the telling of all history and where it is taught.   Lost Kingdoms of Africa for instance, is not to be reserved for private video rentals or  hosted exhibitions and talks in a special month reserved for such dissemination.  It would be better to further press our institutions to assure this as mandated eduction for ALL children;  as we, and as they are now taught of the Greeks and Romans and other old Empires.  It should all be a matter of course, but we still live in a time where such knowledge is threatening for unfortunate, unfair, and frankly expired reasons and thus still face opposition in appeals for wide cultural dissemination.  This unspoken social reparation of a notable month, fought for and understandably believed to be our entitlement, is but a false right that reinforces our separation through touted celebrations of abbreviated triumphs of our 'overcoming'  in the last 50 -100 years as a people, and serves only and still to do just that …to separate and to annihalite a much longer story fitted for attention in one month out of the year(?)!!  The entitlement of this 'special interest' is an insufficient delusion that serves none of the so-called races, in any culture, least of all blacks who are  now 'integrated members' of society. To these points, I highly recommend listening to Nigerian writer Chimamanda Adichie who spoke so eloquently in a TED talk on "the danger of the single story" and its effect on cultural histories and contemporary  relationships.  

Wikipedia Image

Indeed there are many equalizing effects that the presence of Barack Obama and his family have had on the image of people of colour in the US and the world view to be certain, along with countless other figures; we can see it all over the media. But still and yet, here we are and more than ever divided almost violently by race.  All you have to do is turn on the local evening news in this country. Or, read a few YouTube comment threads - it's amazing how fast a reasonable discussion will descend into senseless vitriol.  2013 people!!! And this while the world considers a first black Pope - and an African to boot - to rescue the declining influence of the Catholic church - which I venture to guess would also be fun for pictures but would change little in their institutional doctrine. 

Yes.  Change,...in modern history, is certainly here, but so hypocritically welcomed that it appears as a hallucination of ironies at best. Note that in researching for this post, I found a bare few reports from any of the world news orgs on the Black Pope headliner...but much more on the international political vying over which country the next Pope will come from. Yeah - so much for separation of Church and State...  This paired with premature news fodder on who will be the 1st Woman President of the United States. Could it be Michelle Obama who is both black AND a woman?!  And on that matter - as we head towards the next Women's History Month - dare we dream that:

1) the leading religions - the heirachal power structures between Man and God that have rewritten a lot of history (ironically)in the name or preservation of God's kingdom - may consider allowing Women to participate, and lead...too?
2) the two most powerful imperial entities -America and the Vatican- will disabuse their delusional right of power over the natural, social, and spiritual worlds and allow equality and validity of all existence?  

THIS could eradicate the need for a month of head patting!


I indeed understand how the necessity these special History Months came about, I just wish we no longer had need for them.  The growing up simply isn't happening fast enough for me I guess...
Suffice it to say - this month I celebrated nothing. But I did find James Baldwin. 


Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.
~ James A. Baldwin





 
PAST RELATED POSTS:
A Response to Dispatches from (A)MENDED America (December 2008)

What it means to PRIORITIZE!!! (March 2009)

"Why Do You Talk So White?!!" - (Uh oh - it's a race rant...) (March 2012)

Social Web Divisions???

I just love the endlessness of social studies on social website behaviours here in the US and around the world.  

Though I started my own work observations on this back in 2010 - I imagine that this work will continue on.  I try to read up on any new findings about how our online actions either mimic or override real life social mores and norms.

The BBC recently posted this on their site:  

Is the social web divided by race?

It's an interesting short read and video on how the different races appear to be statistically clustering to certain social sites on the internet.  Twitter, Pinterest, and Tumblr are featured - making Facebook glaringly absent...  Hmmm....

Check it out!

 

 

 

RELATED JOURNEY POSTS: 

Next SeBiArt Show in Miami + first time Art Basel Visit (Nov 2011)

Face Lift Off: Leaving My Facebook Mask(erade) Behind

Well oops - the researcher became the subject as it were! 

I woke up one day and realized that I start and end my days with Facebook.  That I carried it with me in my handbag (ie. my phone).  That I was never really OFF the damn thing!  

Well - actually a few things shook me awake - like some very real world experiences that proved my early observations that folks take Facebook WAY too seriously - assuming all representations of their lives there equate reality; that validity is gained there first.  Concurrent with this were a couple of rude awakenings of very aggressive behaviours and presumptuous expectations from  virtual strangers - 'virtual' being the operative word here. 

Facebook and the like (no pun) have never been more for me than sites to promote  professional efforts, to communicate with  supporters in a personable way, to have fun exchanging written banter on shared interests with friends and acquaintances, and to exchange links + fotos with my peeps/REAL members of my physical life.  (Ironically less exchanges actually happen with my physical-world friends on these platforms - perhaps because we have 'reality' - lol).  I guess in short, FB is like an interactive address book, bookmark keeper, and calendar that makes us all appear to have great memories when it comes to birthdays (come on - birthdays on Facebook rock! lol), or far more active lives by virtue of the 'LiKes' and links we share! 

But somewhere in between my sociological/artistic observation and research of this for my project BRANDED... and me being a participant, I engaged in some of the very same behaviours I was analyzing in others.  I remained fiercely private about matters that don't belong there, and never attacked anyone, but around mid Summer of last year I started spending an inordinate number of hours on that thing! I started needing that interaction for ego strokes, a good laugh at stupid jokes (fun times! sigh...), stimulating conversations/debates at a 'safe' distance, blah blah blah.  I also justified this in the name of promotional necessity for my work.   

The first important statistical fact that bubbled to the surface and smacked my face in was the fact that I wasn't really promoting that much - save for a show post here and there, or appeal to 'LiKe' my page...(eye roll).  Further, I felt I was running out of things to promote.  I spent hours here, thus reducing the amount of free time I had for the life I was investing in before, like writing on this blog for instance; creating more photograpahic or collaborative projects; teaching art with orgs I support; writing proposal submissions for my work; soliciting paying jobs...etc.  Though I have met or reunited with a number of great souls and characters there, the bottom line is that much time spent on FB has not resulted in any appreciable improvement to my physical work process as an artist, nor has it resulted in increased commissions and sales for my work.  Not the way all real life and blogger interractions do.  It's like high school where one will forego doing homework so you can play in the right circles for popularity points.  Who wants to miss the next viral post that proves you being current?!  The number one procrastination tool confessed to by millions is Facebook! Wow.  All I'm saying is like all things, there needs to be

...b a l a n c e.  Of course this is obvious  - as I've continually examined here on this journey blog.  But to wake up inside this particular belly as it were has been a bit stinky and I wear this stink with a bit of embarrassment too, hence my need write it all out here. I believe if we cover up, hide, or 'front' - the beast wins.  So...

...the most liberating thing was to decide to take a break from that amoebic blue world beast - at least for a little while - lol.

A friend of mine, Jimmy, who does this often always referred to Facebook as a country - "sometimes I fly in, visit loved ones - hang out in new spots, meet a couple folks, and then I return home".  

And so I've posted this on Facebook and flown home. I've set up my bathroom darkroom and spent hours doing pinhole photography. Sweet liberation to be shared in subsequent posts.

APRIL 27, 2012:

Not that this is MaJoR news yeah,  but I've been told that without prior warning of FB sabbaticals some folks might create the wrong ideas when they suddenly see a 'friend' disappear. 

So...I'm checking out temporarily from MAY 1st to JULY. 

I confess that I have fallen into the FB addiction trap - woke up one day a realized this place is getting more of my time than my actual work is.  I know - such an unusual observation right?!!!   Well I like being on top of  my creative work and blogging about that, and other such pass-times as old-fashioned emails, phone calls, yoga, chocolate, cheese shopping, etc.  I need to plug out of this and plug deep into feeding my soul. :)

I expect I'll see many of you in REAL life, and on other spots like ...twitter  (so far that'll stay up tho I still have NO idea how that thing really works...).  But yah - May 1st (that's Tuesday) FB gets the boot for bit... will play til then. :)

One Love Munchkins and Happy Weekend!

B

A fellow Facebooker who thought it a good idea to do the same - photographer Jim Northorp:
  Cyber-Celibacy Facebook No Mo?

RELATED POSTS:
-Some talk about a new project...'BRANDED' (Oct 2010)
-Awakening in the Illusion (Sept 2010)
-Apathy as Peace of Mind? (April 2010)

Confessions from the Gap

One random and uneventful day in the last couple of months of 2010 I caught myself barely hanging on to the edge, with just small traces of motivation to maintain my grip - and so, I fell in anyway. Those days were made up of worry about what the heck I was doing with my life, how hard it had become to stay home in New York, how false it felt to propogate any attempt to network or market myself or my work, anywhere, and how unwilling I was to pour my heart out to myself or to you, or why the hell I felt so uninspired to do ANYthing.  

Falling into a real depression was what it felt like, but like a functioning alcoholic - one never would have known it to look at me. I didn't know it!  I was still getting out, or getting online, still going through the motions of a 'fine art photographer' with another show opening to close off a good year - which meant life was moving forward right?  Or just moving in any event...  But internally I felt stagnant - resigned to keep falling through the dark gap, smacking into the detritus of strange, reactive, accidental, or just plain stupid choices I made - including the complacently coorperative (or indecisive) moments that played out in several areas of my life over the course of the last year.   

          

It's funny to say in contrast that I didn't feel dark, or sad.  There wasn't the typical dose of self bashing, that I'm fairly good at, nor were there tears (which sometimes I desperately wanted), but there was some anger...the type that tends to rise when I'm in NYC, or what I'm now transporting to Jamaica.  I'm learning slowly to see/feel it's usefulness for creation though.  It's an anxious irritability that forces me into a silent period where I begin to look, listen, fall into communicative spells of imaginative trances - and from there I work, unencumbered by impatience or self judgment.  It's textures and colors useful. But it's dimensions dreadful. 

      

I heard Maya Angelou in a preview for Oprah's Master Class show on OWN, utter the words "Love LIBERATES.  Love does not own - that's Ego.  Love LIBERATES".  It happened in the middle of the night, around 2:30 in the morning on January 2nd. Quite suddenly, like a light switch being flicked up, I hit ground zero - its landing like a freshly fluffed pillow covered in silk. After a long dark fall, I fell into this soundless open cavern surrounded by portals of light - none promising anything, all inviting liberation.  I ran to grab my diary and a wrote, and cried, and laughed, and purged.  Sounds mad - but it was just my way of crawling slowly back out of the gap.  

2010 was a year of countless fortuitous events for me both professionally and personally, but I judged myself for not being enough of an architect of the better looking structures formed out of those events; thus I named myself a reactive dweller in my life.  I stopped practicing yoga, continued daily to promise myself to return to dance - and each day breaking the promise, and I took up smoking again (I know, I know...).  I basically sat around a lot, pressing auto-response buttons to my life to at least engage in minimal participation of the opportunities afforded to me.  Or so I thought.  But in actuality, I drove myself down every yellow brick bumpy road I found myself on - I just dared not admit it in a moment when loving myself was not on the agenda.  

But love LIBERATES.
  
How easy it was once I just recognized my own bullshit!  Isn't that always the case?  You crawl out of denial only to discover what a simple fool you've been for investing such energies in a self imposed (imprisoning) cover up operation.  And for whom??? For what?  To arrive where?  Well, here I guess. Full and empty. Released and ready to begin building and balancing all over again.  And yeah...to quit smoking too. Again. Sigh. 

      

Dare NOT to live in auto pilot mode - because it is precisely there that gaps form;
DARE to live inside your dreams, be in touch with your unique imagination.

There, is your evolution, 
There you flourish, 
Only there, can you oppose all external expectations of the 'established' paradigms of successful living.  
There, is a place where you can create, approve of, and use your own paradigms. 

Unpredictable ends and the fear of them make this a hard-sought and hard-won place, 
But there is the place of charged confident comfort in knowing your purpose;
a place of  sustainable contentment, innocence, strength, wonderment, and grace.  

To live there is to indeed be a free radical.

     Be radical. 
     Follow Your Heart.
     Become Your Dream. 
     MIND the GAP.

Some talk about a new project ...'BRANDED'

So finally - a chat about the creative part of the journey - or at least, the current inspiration for my artistic trippin'.  I know it seems like I've been vacationing and getting rewarded for it - haha.  But the truth is my last couple of trips to Jamaica have mainly been about work, work-work-work.  I have 3 new projects slow roasting on the burner now  - but the higher fire is under a series called BRANDED...therefore I AM which I started in the early Spring of this year.  

I've had a couple of delicious 'AHA' moments over the past year and a half regarding the use of social websites, and the maddeningly-genius-connectivity-of-a-near-socio-psychotic-reality that bothered the heck out of me but didn't seem to bother as many other people as I'd thought!  Of course I'm a player and therefore a part of this online global community shift, so it feels oddly dissociative to criticize the mediums that I use on a daily basis - but, my fascination with human complexities and my studies in psychology just dragged me into this analytical and critical discourse - and naturally I had to figure out how to create work out of it.  Hence the first 'exile' image of the series that I posted back in April:

BRANDED - Fool In Exile

BRANDED... is in essence, a rudimentary representation of the seemingly open and sophisticated, yet phatic self-branding we often create on social websites. It is comprised of a series of location portrait and nude photographs showing aphorisms or phrases on body painted subjects; a video short; and an interactive installation (a secret until showtime);  all serving as observations or portrayals of private thoughts and social fears of rejection, isolation, or persecution, - or conversely - social wishes of mass acceptance, popularity, power, and influence.  BRANDED... however, is raw on purpose. I don't want to create polished imagery because I want to test our senses to see if a crudely created image can still be visually, psychologically, and emotionally tangible. And, in this mass intangible coming together there seems to me to be a new collective isolation which begs at the very least, for some mental masturbation on the matter!

I have interviewed a number of people so far for this work, and in so doing I've been inspired to conduct a full scale survey on the usage habits of social websites (which will take me back to my school days when I had to do surveys for my social psych papers - ahhhh!).  It's so fascinating how we all have deeply rooted ideas about our identities and character traits, and how sharply these ideas sometimes contradict our online (onstage) personas.  And what I've found even more interesting is how some of us seem to need to express these altered parts of ourselves to jumpstart or finish our days!  But sadly, if we're not careful, we can be 'outed' but not-so-friendly 'friends'.

BRANDED - Beautiful Mistakes

Just a few days ago it was reported that a young man, shamed in the virtual world by his roommate, shared his last words on Facebook before jumping off the very real George Washington Bridge in New York.¹  And I just heard on the news this week that the first US internet withdrawal clinic (requiring physical check-ins, as opposed to that of virtual clinics -  a sardonic  contradiction) just opened up in Washington!  Actually the nation with the second largest web user population of 94 million*, China, beat the USA (the largest user pop) to this back in 2005, with the opening of a Web Addiction Center for children and young adults - after government officials  cited concerns that the internet was "eroding public morality". And speaking of that - don't you  find it troubling that face-to-face contact has not only decreased as a result of our online social lives, but with the acceptability of our web/iphone/bberry-time demands, many of us actively create that decrease in our scheduled time for hanging out with our friends?  Will the norm of staring into screens make us socially enept?  I kind of think so.  And as a friend of mine noted, and aptly too, even when we are in each others company - the unspoken understanding is that at least 50% of that time will be devoted to staying connected on our devices while chowing on brunch or in the theater watching a flick! 

I just stumbled upon yet another by-product of this phenomenal shift on the BBC news site where the new business concept of friendship rental services are now popping up in several countries - where, yes guys, people are renting 'friends' so they can have company in their actual lives since their real friends are too busy to go to the movies or check out a new restaurant, etc; like online dating if you will. Now some of you may say, 'that's never gonna take off' - 'those people need to get a life' - 'that shit is for looo-sers'; not far from the general protests to social websites in recent years too, until one by one...we conformed.  The point is - this is not my imagination (well duh Berette!)- the virtual world is so close to really taking over that  I have to ask if this 1984-BigBro-touchless-life-of-staring-into-lit-screens is really the way to get closer or to keep in touch (as we ironically justify it)??? Do we want to live in the matrix; I mean really? And though it may seem like it, no, this is not meant to be a seditious plea against the advertising mecca** of Facebook and the like; I mean, maybe all the entertaining online bonding and networking benefits outweigh the unfortunate  community expropriations*** - who knows? I'm just inspired to examine its effects, on me, my relationships, and social behavioral changes in general - for the good and for the bad.  And where Facebook is concerned, how can one effectively speak out against the Goliath of middle and upper class conformity of 500+ million??!!

BRANDED - Signs of Success

Where ever one stands on this topic (which may soon spark sensitive reactions in proportions akin to the other hot topics like religion, politics, and sex)the newly released film "the social network" from the brilliant mind of Aaron Sorkin, has really put the topic on the big thinking table now, which kinda feels like a notarization of my artistic response - heehee - so I am thus, in a rush to share this with you, on my blog, before the tangible gallery exhibit.  And, um, to the first obvious counter response here - touché.

BRANDED - Running for Stillness

 


More Reading:
 ¹ - UPDATE  Rutgers webcam spy Dharun Ravi sentenced to 30 days,  May 2012 
*Wired Magazine, Beijing Clinic Treats Web Addicts, July 3rd, 2005
**Bloomberg Businessweek, How Facebook Sells Your Friends, Sept 24, 2010 
***Net Addiction Souces



 © BRANDED (...therefore I AM)  in name, concept, and imagery are the copyrighted property of Berette Macaulay/SeBiArt.  All rights reserved.

Awakening in the Illusion

I've pretty much done away with the old anal me, the organized, neat, over-planning freak  who had to be certain of every iota of everything in order to move forward with anything.  I'm paraphrasing my internal mantra here, but now each day I sludge or skip forward with this guiding belief:  


The only way to travel light is really to release the heavily packaged idea that you need to know everything.  Release into the unknown, dance with the uncertainty of fudged plans; only there lie the surprises of certain rewards. 


Lofty innit?  But you know, I've honestly found this to be quite true.  Just two years ago, I, and a couple witnesses in my life, would have laughed at the idea of how I live now.  Guilt and fear were my close allies in how I perceived my life or any possibilities that lay before me, and they informed how I would arm myself against disaster (though I did often contradict myself, thereby creating fine messes to clean up anyway).  As I shared with a dear friend the other day, it recently  dawned on me that I currently have stuff left in homes of friends and family in 3 regions of the world - and, unbelievably, I'm not bothered!  

That said - I've not brought this gypsy-footing around to the close I imagined I would have by now. The marvelous lesson and gift of detachment that I've gained with all this jumping around, has also enabled a not-so-complimentary trait of mine: indecisiveness.  It would appear that I no longer know how, and thus by default, where to land - which is beginning to concern me...but only a little bit. Not being tied to a calendar has filled my mostly unscheduled life with an immense amount of fulfilling activity, that ironically now seems to need a bit of structure.  With all this ambiguity about where to finally unpack my suitcases, I've been wondering a lot lately if the impending external pressure to do so means it's time to grow up, or if this is really the distance for me. 


I mean, I handle the business of adulthood as well as the next person I suppose; attending to duties and responsibilities with a fair amount of acceptance (haha) and efficiency, even aplomb on occasion!  Admittedly though, my hypersensitivity to the realities of post-childhood life will sometimes grip me with sheer panic beyond what I've observed in others.  But, I soldier on, as must we all! 


Given such observations, I must concede to the truth that I chase novelty at every turn, because I have yet to truly make peace with the sheer regularness of living. Does this mean that my development is stunted? Or could it mean simply, that I reach for constant expansion? I really fear that too much routine (though I synchronously yearn for it...) will put me to sleep, but who's to say really that I'm even awake? I could be just an indulgent escapist, justifying my ever changing mindset and physical location as necessary creative food for my artistic and spiritual development! 

What is it to be living in an illusion?  What is it to be awake?  Can we do both; can we "dream awake"?  Really, is there a satisfying  definition of either choice, and which therefore is the more beneficial and actionable prescription for a fulfilling life?  What has been a most amusing thing to me for the past couple of years, is the common mantra that "life is short", and its expression is often followed by an urging to figure out the 'how' and the correct 'how' now, so as to live it to the fullest.  But I think life is long, really long.  The changes are constant and the shifts can be huge, and if you're really paying attention and being honest with yourself, even the obvious answers are never really clear because they're simply not static enough to be always useful and ever true.  So - I have no idea what the right prescription is.  But maybe it's just choosing NOW and all that now has to offer, since all else - as new age philosophers and meta-physicists may propose - doesn't really exist and therefore doesn't matter...

London Tube 2007

ENDGAME

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.~  

When the space for open discourse and mutual understanding and respect have been eroded by stubborn self-righteousness on all sides, how do you carve out a new opening?

The extent of any the damage and temperamental pollution in any personal conflict always determines how much work needs to be done to clear the air. It often takes courage, a sense of safety and trust, and an open and interested heart to look at your part in the mess, to admit to it, and to let yourself receive the same from the other. 

I'm no fan of conflict (as most of us aren't - ha!).  It's upsetting, and my default is either to run; and if I stay, it is to express, to listen, to be heard, to concede, and to attempt to reach across the fence with palms up - so as to arrive at an even clearer and heightened space in my relationships.  I've been told by some that this is courage, by others, that it's cowardly, and by others still, that it's a crock of unrealistic new-age arrogant bullshit. 

Gandhi said that "anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding", that "anger is the enemy of non-violence and pride is the monster that swallows it up".  I couldn't agree more.  But intolerance I feel is perhaps the worst ingredient of all.  If someone pisses you off, that's fine, we're human, and as fallible individuals, we gather baggage, we create unrealistic expectations of others, and we disagree on many matters of conduct.  But it's how we rise and fall from our tirades of perceived rejection that sets the lasting impression of our character, and creates the clearings or obstacles to personal growth and inner peace. 

It is important to ask: when the inner warrior stops swinging, is it because you subdued your foe, or because you subdued yourself? Did you speak more, or listen more?  Did you seek to be understood, ...or to understand? What did you say, what did you hear, what did you learn? Did you walk away with a more open heart, or with declarations of justified intolerance? Do you feel better at the end of a fray only if the other acquiesced to your point of view?  Are you committed to winning only by being right?   And what's the prize exactly?  Sometimes it feels great to be right, sure, but in the short term. If there was little risk or sacrifice of ego in acquiring it though - then haven't we actually lost? I love a good debate, and I'm passionate about my convictions, and I've been rightly accused of being condescending at times.  But pertaining to personal differences, no matter the position I have, or the facade I attempt to create, I inevitably will carry the burden of knowing when my 'right' was actually wrong. Not fun at all.

We must be honest about the hurt of having our toes crushed, for certain, but we can only 'win' new ground by also accepting our part in the dance, otherwise our growth is stunted and our tempers remain unsettled. It's hard work to cry, and then to smile, and then to offer love when we are confronted with rejection, but the rewards of doing so earn far more trust and respect, if not from your opponent, at least then for yourself. 
  

Conversely, at times it's best to ration our exposure to incompatible souls.  Sometimes it's best to concede and accept unfavourable outcomes as some souls are immutable, or even dangerous in their erruptions. Whenever I arrive at such a juncture, I end up asking: Is this truly enlightenment and acceptance? Is it brave? Or is it a wimpy act of avoidance for the sake of peace?  I'm not always sure.

Either way, I think it's ultimately more comfortable to surrender my pride, and take personal responsibility in the end.  I'm inspired by the intense need to create safety through honest disclosure of my fears, concerns, needs, and disappointments, in the hope that this may create a safe space for others to do the same. For peaceful relationships? Yes. For a desire to live in love? Absolutely!  In the end, it's the only play on this spacious board of life that I can sleep with.  

On a frivolous note...the mushrooms came back!

And look how happy SpongeBob is despite being under seige!

Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love. 
~Martin Luther King, Jr.~ 

Ku-ing the Con of Love

"Con"

An unselfish act

Can only be born of love

Mystery solved.

~Mystic Urchin~ 

Questions: 

Does unselfish love really exist?  And if so, what conditions allow it to thrive?  Does it remain unselfish or does it eventually become possessive, fragile, and fearful?

I asked my friend what he meant by this Ku - just to be clear.  I wasn't sure what photo to post with it to be frank.  But then after this conversation - I could only come up with parental love:

ME: 

Having trouble with this one. Why did you call it "con".  Trying to think of the photo for this one and I'm stuck...expand a little for me - or gimme a figurative picture...

Love

URCHIN:
'Con' because it was something I spent a lot of time thinking 
about...is there really such a thing as an unselfish act?
Then I realised we only do unselfish things for ppl we truly love.
Charity is bullshit most of the time - we do it mostly to make 
ourselves feel better.

ME:
Ah yes - the old philosophical and psychological question in ethics 
and morality:  Does true altruism exist?  Nietzsche had a few 
interesting things to say on that one.  Ever got into him?

Yes I agree with you, but in more detached intellectual moments I have ventured to say that even what we do for 'love', is an effort to have that love returned; so the act therefore is not truly selfless since it still relies on some kind of return.

Tsk.

Anyhoo - thank you baby - i think i know where to dig now.

URCHIN:
No - the love I'm talkin about isn't romantic love - I mean love like what me+u have or that I have for Syd.... I have done things for frens + my child that they don't even know I've done...and not for love to be returned.
That's true love :)

ME:
I didn't misunderstand you - I wasn't thinking of Eros at all.  But usually the love you speak of, Agape, is thought among psychologists and philosophers to be quite rare, some believe it's impossible and only attributable to the gods and messiahs man has created.  But then that debate gets hot when the parent/child love is brought to the picture which quite arguably is the only relationship that comes close to real Agape (selfless) love - and usually from the parent more than the child.  But there are some logically sound and difficult-to-swallow debates there also.

It's all fodder really - as I do believe in self-less love for all kinds of relationships. I believe I love selflessly too and deeply - which is why I'm scared shitless of having a child!   But I do hear the posit that as long as the 'ID' is present, we humans are ultimately too self involved to truly be selfless.

Your thoughts?