Fighters Get Scared Too

My mother shared a most insightful passage she wrote on a brief mental respite at her work table, amidst a tsunami of files and papers where she is regularly found toiling over a paper, article, appeal,  or judgment for her clients or the human rights movement. She has spent the past 30+ years of her life working for and attending to the business of educating, supporting, and winning equal rights battles and lobbying for law reform for women, children, and all, in various organizations and international courts. 

Her sacrifices for the struggles of others are countless, and frankly the workload is mind boggling. Her efforts take her all over the world hearing stories and cases of unimaginable atrocities which she simply cannot abide, and so she barrels forth beyond any reasonable expectation and often with little reward or at personal cost, with a tireless dedication and optimism that floors me.  I could never hope to step into the shoes of such a woman, but I was touched to be let into a vulnerable outpouring of her heart in this impromptu passage that has thankfully been legally released for my blog (haha!):

My Struggle

They praise my work for the rights of women and children - in fact for the enjoyment of human rights by all.  But do they know?

Do they know the fears?

Do they know the doubts?

Do they know the nervousness?

Do they know the exhaustion? 

Do they know the passion and the energy it takes to overcome these things, and which push me on to do, to speak, to write, to present, to lobby, to participate?

Do they know the prayers I say for strength, for inspiration, for knowledge, for understanding, for patience, for consistency?

Do they know?

Do they even care to know?

Does it matter if they know, if it's what I must do to fulfill my life,  when I chose my struggle as the soul transporter of my purpose?

Margarette May Macaulay, July 11, 2010

SUPPORT POST: ArtsLawRoundUp

So usually I'm waxing on about feelings, creativity, shows, or some sort of community project. 

Now it's time for the business of art people, and no better way to get yourself prepared than to arm yourself with knowledge, specifically legal facts and rights pertaining to your work.  I'm talkin' copyright issues, contracts, licensing, advertising, creative commons, rights to credit, patents, etc, etc, et al.  

My dear friend Justin Lynch, attorney-at-law AND pianist AND dancer (yes, you read that right) started a blog that addresses all these issues factually, patiently, humoursly, and thoroughly (and always with additional sources) which will leave you less frightened and better armed for protecting your work.  

Leap off this page, check it, and Subscribe!  Where else are you gonna get legal advice from a lawyer who is also an artist?!

 

If...Just for Comfort

Simply aiming for comfort has come to be seen as shooting low, or settling for less - especially in careers, and certainly in relationships.  Since we know I choose constant change and upheaval in the former, I mean heretofore to focus on the latter.  

At present (for this may change), I propose that just because someone impresses you doesn't mean they will be the next love of your life.  And if it looks like this miracle may not be the case, do you walk?  'Yes' some of you may say, but this is what defines the youthful heart I think, which is easily impressed by the magnetic qualities of the object of desire and equating this to that of undeniable love.  
When you 'grow up', and have enough affairs in life however, you learn that a person can be endlessly interesting yet never grips your heart, while a most ordinary soul can enchant you for life.  

Mutual admiration of the hot chemical kind  offers experiences or delights  with exciting fitful tales, but at a certain age, is this height of elation a necessary experience, let alone an automatic inclusion in our personal narratives? Evolutionary biology and psychology show that the timing of our most heated affairs and loves are aligned perfectly with our most fertile, hormonal, energetic years - when we are blind enough to create or believe the singularly aimed love-hype of 'forever after', and, also  whilst we are fit enough for the turmoil all that preposterous or near pathological energy often leaves in its wake.   

We are all taught either directly or indirectly from a young age that we should look for the impossible in a mate; find a  soul that 'completes' us, challenges and delights us, loves us endlessly, unconditionally, AND should be resident in a preternaturally attractive body which should remain that way...for eternity; any thing less being a most unsettling compromise. And no matter how you may have started out: in a bewilderingly beautiful and adrenalized love affair, or, a befouling catastophic event  - you still, in youth, believe this, wish, hope, and look for this tall tale whether you care to admit it or not. 

Then a bit more life happens. And it becomes distastefully apparent that alas, eternity in life (pardon the paradox, but it's what the fairy tales sell, right?), let alone with another, is not meant for some of us mere mortals.   And with one disappointing reality check (aka highway-of-love-heart-wreck) after another, we eventually rewrite the fantasy, the very tale that perhaps set the blind spots in place for all those collisions.

We retreat, we heal, we spend time with ourselves, we create some quiet, and then...we don't look; rather we hold exclusively open auditions (I know, oxymoron again) for someone to share the quiet with.  We become satisfied with the idea of someone filling a less complex role than 'soul mate' or 'self-completer'; we find we can only open up to  someone who is clear, calm, direct, and free of the indefatigable grand arias of yada-forever-bull-cah-cah; you know, someone who can just keep it real.  And if we find them, we herald them publicly as a wholesome catch summed up simply as "there's just no drama."  

I scream on my behalf on this one.  Heaven knows, the gods have ensured throughout my life and so therefore know, my great fortune in love, or at least, in affairs.  I have swept, and been swept off my feet by dashing novas in ways meant only for the movies to be sure, and much to the envy of those who've heard or witnessed my inordinately epic (and sometimes ridiculous) romances.  But - but, at this point the only thing I look for in my new tailor-made fantasies can be satisfied by far less frills, pomp, and unsustainable circumstance. Of course I still want fun adventures, but I also want to relax while having them.  I just want to be...sigh...comfortable.

If... 

If I were but a leaf
    falling from the burdened weight of your weary limbs,
I would waft my way
    through the spaces of your turbulent sways
Leaving drops of my chlorophyll spies
    to fill your horizon with shades of new life.

But here I stick to my heavy branch
    Too weary to detach
My stems uncertain, heaving doubtful sighs;
   eyes blinded by colourless promises in cloudless skies,

Hope floats beyond the shifting spaces,        

    hiding plainly from our weeping lies.

PS. Nothing to do with the topic at hand but, 

here's a great relaxation technique...rock balancing.  

seriously - try it.  

:)

Warm Light and Love

Vanity and fear are based

on a false idea of self that cannot be nurtured or maintained.

It only consumes the essence of the soul,

beating the heart into stone cold submission of blinding parasites.

Staying true keeps the heart open, calm, graciously clear-sighted, and warm;

this happens only through service and love.

foto by SeBiArt - Hellshire Heights, JA

thanks to my friends for keeping me warm...

originally posted on Facebook, August 2010

Ha - I got support like Obama used to have! Lol

I can't believe four days have gone by and I've uttered barely a word about this.  Reason?  Well quite honestly, it's a sum of part shock, part stomach churning fear of being too openly overjoyed, and part life pressing on, despite ample reason for a gracious and gleeful pause to digest my recent blessings.  So for those of you (not on Facebook - haha) who have not yet heard...I actually won some nice prizes at the JCDC* Visual Arts Ceremony and opening exhibition** this past Sunday at the National Gallery of Jamaica:

A Silver Medal, and Sectional Prize and Trophy for Photography

LIQUID Trees # 033, Adult Photography Sectional Prize and Trophy

First Announcement

mi madre, me, & my nephew 

the sisters

I'm so grateful for such recognition and great fortune, and I was even more floored by the support and well wishes from my family, friends, and colleagues.  So much love!  It was quite the Cinderella experience, and while I have an extroverted alter-ego, she was nowhere to be found; rather my awkward introverted being showed up instead, and spent much of the afternoon looking like a deer on happy weed caught in headlights. As such - I hereby extend my apologies to anyone present that day who suffered incoherent babbles or incompleted sentences or greetings from me - including the videographer who shot my interview. CRINGE, CRINGE, oh CRINGE!  With the hugs and kisses and congrats flying at me at airjet speeds, it couldn't have gone any other way. LOL. 

Me and my darling nephew Sekai, who kept my nerves in check for the entire ceremony.

Photographer Jeremy Francis (foreground) and proud dad, captures his daughter's win - fellow photographer and medal winner Joanna Francis 

Silver Medal time (for vis-arts)!! Everything getting muffled...room spinning...wasn't sure what was going on.

Shared sectional prize with Julian N. Dadag for Adult Photgraphy...AND...Trophy Time!! Just walking on clouds and speaking in tongues at this point - Lol

Naturally Sekai was the safe keeper for the thing!

My Uncle Randy lookin' proud.  :)

Photographer and friend, Will I Am (William Richards) - was so happy he was there! Yo - check out this cat's work...SICK!!!! 

All breath in; nothing going out; felt like I was underwater - haha!

Sister B and darling Seyena and Tidjane

Life has really rewarded me in recent months, so I must say in closing, the maddening panic attacks were well worth it. Currently buried in work on new projects and submission deadlines, and yep, panic attacks.  Bring it!

Thank you, thank you, thank you UNIVERSE and  all you beautiful beings in it!

And finally, what's a victory report without that sophisticated car park pic by the tent generator?

*JCDC - Jamaica Cultural Development Commission

** Exhibition will be up at the National Gallery until August 28th.  Admission is free, gallery hours 10am - 4pm weekdays, 10am -3pm on Saturdays.  Information 876-922-1561.

 

RELATED JOURNEY POSTS:                                         SeBiArt Getting Award for LIQUID (July 2010)

                                         I Friggin Won!!!!! Ha - I got support like Obama!! lol! (Feb 2008)

Ideas that Boggle the Mind

So I'm working on a new series called BRANDED which involves a little bit of acrylic paint scribbles and dabs on my models, a bit but not too messy.  A friend of mind just sent me some samples of an artist doing the same - except she, Alexa Meade, is going WAY beyond scribbles and dabs.  She's creating fully developed expressionistic paintings on live models and real objects. In an artistic time when everyone is pushing flat art into 3-D multimedia works, she's taking 3-D down to 2!  It's seriously the most incredible new innovation of a familiar medium that I've seen in a while - I'm completely blown away.  Check it out - AND her website. 

ADDITION July 24th, 2010

A friend of mine just reminded me (cuz I'm a forgetful crackhead apparently), that I kinda experimented with this a couple years ago (albeit conceptually different and less developed than this example) but still successful in that I won a prize for it!  :)  Do you remember SPLIT? 

 

SeBiArt Getting Award for LIQUID

I'm so happy and ridiculously excited to share this with you!  I found out this week  that I am an awardee for the JCDC/NDG* National Visual Arts competition!  I submitted 3 large pieces from my LIQUID Trees series and thank GOD they liked them.  Yipppeeeeeeee! I don't know what the award will be exactly - but I'm happy for the recognition nonetheless - it's been a while since I won anything!

The award ceremony details are in the poster below.  Calling all of you in Jamaica to come out and support.  There will be voting at the ceremony for the 'Public Favourite' Cash and Trophy prize.  I wouldn't mind walking away with that too!  HolleR.  

Feeling love from the universe SO MUCH right now.  See you there!

                  
                  *

RELATED JOURNEY POSTS:  

                                         Ha - I got support like Obama used to have! lol (July 2010)

                                         SeBiArt Getting Award for LIQUID (July 2010)
                                                  I Friggin Won!!!!! Ha - I got support like Obama!! lol! (Feb 2008)

 

ENDGAME

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.~  

When the space for open discourse and mutual understanding and respect have been eroded by stubborn self-righteousness on all sides, how do you carve out a new opening?

The extent of any the damage and temperamental pollution in any personal conflict always determines how much work needs to be done to clear the air. It often takes courage, a sense of safety and trust, and an open and interested heart to look at your part in the mess, to admit to it, and to let yourself receive the same from the other. 

I'm no fan of conflict (as most of us aren't - ha!).  It's upsetting, and my default is either to run; and if I stay, it is to express, to listen, to be heard, to concede, and to attempt to reach across the fence with palms up - so as to arrive at an even clearer and heightened space in my relationships.  I've been told by some that this is courage, by others, that it's cowardly, and by others still, that it's a crock of unrealistic new-age arrogant bullshit. 

Gandhi said that "anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding", that "anger is the enemy of non-violence and pride is the monster that swallows it up".  I couldn't agree more.  But intolerance I feel is perhaps the worst ingredient of all.  If someone pisses you off, that's fine, we're human, and as fallible individuals, we gather baggage, we create unrealistic expectations of others, and we disagree on many matters of conduct.  But it's how we rise and fall from our tirades of perceived rejection that sets the lasting impression of our character, and creates the clearings or obstacles to personal growth and inner peace. 

It is important to ask: when the inner warrior stops swinging, is it because you subdued your foe, or because you subdued yourself? Did you speak more, or listen more?  Did you seek to be understood, ...or to understand? What did you say, what did you hear, what did you learn? Did you walk away with a more open heart, or with declarations of justified intolerance? Do you feel better at the end of a fray only if the other acquiesced to your point of view?  Are you committed to winning only by being right?   And what's the prize exactly?  Sometimes it feels great to be right, sure, but in the short term. If there was little risk or sacrifice of ego in acquiring it though - then haven't we actually lost? I love a good debate, and I'm passionate about my convictions, and I've been rightly accused of being condescending at times.  But pertaining to personal differences, no matter the position I have, or the facade I attempt to create, I inevitably will carry the burden of knowing when my 'right' was actually wrong. Not fun at all.

We must be honest about the hurt of having our toes crushed, for certain, but we can only 'win' new ground by also accepting our part in the dance, otherwise our growth is stunted and our tempers remain unsettled. It's hard work to cry, and then to smile, and then to offer love when we are confronted with rejection, but the rewards of doing so earn far more trust and respect, if not from your opponent, at least then for yourself. 
  

Conversely, at times it's best to ration our exposure to incompatible souls.  Sometimes it's best to concede and accept unfavourable outcomes as some souls are immutable, or even dangerous in their erruptions. Whenever I arrive at such a juncture, I end up asking: Is this truly enlightenment and acceptance? Is it brave? Or is it a wimpy act of avoidance for the sake of peace?  I'm not always sure.

Either way, I think it's ultimately more comfortable to surrender my pride, and take personal responsibility in the end.  I'm inspired by the intense need to create safety through honest disclosure of my fears, concerns, needs, and disappointments, in the hope that this may create a safe space for others to do the same. For peaceful relationships? Yes. For a desire to live in love? Absolutely!  In the end, it's the only play on this spacious board of life that I can sleep with.  

On a frivolous note...the mushrooms came back!

And look how happy SpongeBob is despite being under seige!

Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love. 
~Martin Luther King, Jr.~ 

reminiscence

         

           Cautiously polite

He guided me to the edge of

           the abyss

Looking through me

My back to infinity

He pushed me towards the edge

           with a kiss

His eyes closed as I fell into space

                           

Spreading my wings 

           in a freedom flight

           and rising

           he fell onto my shoulders

Then cradled by the span of my feathered hopes

We flew down... 

by Berette Macaulay

NEUE ROOTZ, Vol. I: The Start...finally

Exactly one year ago I set out on what was a highly anticipated journey: a family reunion 2 years in the making - organised by my dear aunt in Germany.

Twenty five members of my African/Czech-German family came together from all corners of the globe to seek out our roots in the Czech Republic where our common great great grandfather was from. It was indeed the journey of a lifetime.  But it was also the start of a new cycle, a turn onto a new path, with the intention of redirecting the purpose of my life, or just how I live it.  

Naturally I planned on documenting this reunion and creating some sort of project out of it.  But I also wanted to catalyze my photographic aspirations in the direction of fine arts and away from anything commercial.  So I also took my portfolio with me, with the intention hitting the galleries in the hopes of finding at least one curator who might be interested in showing my work.

I also applied to Oxford Trinity in London to train in TESOL (Teaching English As a Foreign Language)so that I could increase my ability to travel more and further, where I could explore new cultures and create new work.  Also if I could spend more time abroad, I thought, I could delve into my past with relatives and old friends across the oceans, who all could perhaps help 're-member' an old self I was convinced had been squelched by my New York City life. 

On the surface the following may seem a strange statement to make(since truly, I've never really lived a conventional life - always 'seeming' to follow every creative impulse), but I was seeking (via travel I guess) to purify my creative exchange with life, to learn to live more authentically, to experience my life rather than simply to survive it; to appreciate it and quietly direct it rather than to grade it according to external factors of failure and success.  

A year later, I'm still on that trip, and still living out of a suitcase.   Not everything went according to plan, as is life, right? And my travels have not been nearly as exotic as I dreamed...yet; but every minute of the last metamorphic 365 days have been filled with extraordinarily palpable, authentic experiences that continue to transform me daily with gratitude, wonderment, and love.  It was indeed a rather auspicious, or you could say fortuitous occasion that I would begin such a journey on a family reunion.  

As some of you may recall - I promised to blog about all this, but never quite got around to it.  But dammit, I can't let all my little videos and snapshots stay in the proverbial dust cabinet now can I?!  So at long last I begin to 'show' this story, though again, I won't promise consistency as current life events or 'whims' will continue to compete for blog space. So, after much adieu:

Neue Rootz Vol. I



Neue Rootz, Vol. I from SeBiArt on Vimeo.

RELATED JOURNEY POST:  In a final analysis...the story can now begin (Oct 2009)

SUPPORT POST: Vote for my sister for The Anchor on CVM-TV!!

Hey guys,


Asking for your support again - but this time for blood!  My sister has been sticking it out on a local television show host competition, The Anchor, on CVM television.  She's been competing for 3 months and now its down to the last vote.  

She's in the top three and after this week there will be a final two and that's it - so this really counts.  If you're in Jamaica - follow the instructions below and cast your vote as many times as you can! 

**Note: Votes are reset to zero every week - so you must vote this week for your support to count! AND - voting is unlimited!

Also my KOTE exhibit at Wijicoon is still up until Saturday - get over there before you miss it!

Thanks guys and much love

SeBiArt Showing Work at KOTE!

So, truth is I never heard of the annual KOTE (Kingston On The Edge) Art Festival until just a couple months ago, so I'm happy to be showing my work in it so soon after my knowledge of its existence. 

From everything I've heard from artists and supporters, this promises to be quite the exciting festival here in Kingston, Jamaica, with no shortage of events and exhibits in the visual and performing arts fields all over the city.

It's been a bit of a mad dash for the organizers and artists alike to get things together - but the seams are now sealed, and the festival kicks off this weekend, from June 18th - 26th. 

I will be showing (and selling!) a few pieces (from LIQUID, CrowDeD, and SMOKE series) with a small group of locally established photographers at the Wijicoon Gallery this Saturday:

 

For those of you who are here - I hope I see your ass at this show!  (*cheeeeeez*) And look how they embraced my MIND THE GAP image for the flyer.  (*cheese*cheese*) 

For the complete schedule of events and venues please check out the KOTE website or  http://www.kingstonontheedge.org/schedule/