Sunday, 30 January 2011

So yah - I went back to the Bahamas...

...and barely shot a thing.   Truth is I was with family for the holidays and we spent much of the time indoors; and frankly a good chunk of the time it was actually cold!  We're talking 50s, even 40s!  Not exactly beach weather - ha!  Anyway...here are a few sightings:



Waterside
west bay

south bay ridge


from the other side of Balmoral Island...





Seashells on Porches

queen conch

cross barreled venus with white coral - cool way to dress up plants I thought...

coral and shell mix in a dry nut shell


 Vegetation
baby coconuts

I frankly can NEVER remember the name of this flower.  Anyone?

hot mix of local peppers

elizabeth street roots



Atlantis
shark tank with encased water slide that takes you thru the tank.  not for the risk averse I should think...
$25,000 p/night suite - i bet those who can afford it still stay for free...



glowing jellies


my nephew and the blow fish


Thursday, 30 December 2010

Confessions from the Gap


One random and uneventful day in the last couple of months of 2010 I caught myself barely hanging on to the edge, with just small traces of motivation to maintain my grip - and so, I fell in anyway. Those days were made up of worry about what the heck I was doing with my life, how hard it had become to stay home in New York, how false it felt to propogate any attempt to network or market myself or my work, anywhere, and how unwilling I was to pour my heart out to myself or to you, or why the hell I felt so uninspired to do ANYthing.  
Falling into a real depression was what it felt like, but like a functioning alcoholic - one never would have known it to look at me. I didn't know it!  I was still getting out, or getting online, still going through the motions of a 'fine art photographer' with another show opening to close off a good year - which meant life was moving forward right?  Or just moving in any event...  But internally I felt stagnant - resigned to keep falling through the dark gap, smacking into the detritus of strange, reactive, accidental, or just plain stupid choices I made - including the complacently coorperative (or indecisive) moments that played out in several areas of my life over the course of the last year.   

          
It's funny to say in contrast that I didn't feel dark, or sad.  There wasn't the typical dose of self bashing, that I'm fairly good at, nor were there tears (which sometimes I desperately wanted), but there was some anger...the type that tends to rise when I'm in NYC, or what I'm now transporting to Jamaica.  I'm learning slowly to see/feel it's usefulness for creation though.  It's an anxious irritability that forces me into a silent period where I begin to look, listen, fall into communicative spells of imaginative trances - and from there I work, unencumbered by impatience or self judgment.  It's textures and colors useful. But it's dimensions dreadful. 

      
I heard Maya Angelou in a preview for Oprah's Master Class show on OWN, utter the words "Love LIBERATES.  Love does not own - that's Ego.  Love LIBERATES".  It happened in the middle of the night, around 2:30 in the morning on January 2nd. Quite suddenly, like a light switch being flicked up, I hit ground zero - its landing like a freshly fluffed pillow covered in silk. After a long dark fall, I fell into this soundless open cavern surrounded by portals of light - none promising anything, all inviting liberation.  I ran to grab my diary and a wrote, and cried, and laughed, and purged.  Sounds mad - but it was just my way of crawling slowly back out of the gap.  



2010 was a year of countless fortuitous events for me both professionally and personally, but I judged myself for not being enough of an architect of the better looking structures formed out of those events; thus I named myself a reactive dweller in my life.  I stopped practicing yoga, continued daily to promise myself to return to dance - and each day breaking the promise, and I took up smoking again (I know, I know...).  I basically sat around a lot, pressing auto-response buttons to my life to at least engage in minimal participation of the opportunities afforded to me.  Or so I thought.  But in actuality, I drove myself down every yellow brick bumpy road I found myself on - I just dared not admit it in a moment when loving myself was not on the agenda.  

But love LIBERATES.
  
How easy it was once I just recognized my own bullshit!  Isn't that always the case?  You crawl out of denial only to discover what a simple fool you've been for investing such energies in a self imposed (imprisoning) cover up operation.  And for whom??? For what?  To arrive where?  Well, here I guess. Full and empty. Released and ready to begin building and balancing all over again.  And yeah...to quit smoking too. Again. Sigh. 

      


Dare NOT to live in auto pilot mode - because it is precisely there that gaps form;
DARE to live inside your dreams, be in touch with your unique imagination.

There, is your evolution, 
There you flourish, 
Only there, can you oppose all external expectations of the 'established' paradigms of successful living.  
There, is a place where you can create, approve of, and use your own paradigms. 

Unpredictable ends and the fear of them make this a hard-sought and hard-won place, 
But there is the place of charged confident comfort in knowing your purpose;
a place of  sustainable contentment, innocence, strength, wonderment, and grace.  

To live there is to indeed be a free radical.
     Be radical. 
     Follow Your Heart.
     Become Your Dream. 
     MIND the GAP.




Friday, 24 December 2010

Happy Holidays

Thank you for a great year, for teaching me again and again the value of community. 

Where ever you are, whomever you're with, manifest the best possible celebration over the next few days.   Throw the diet out the window, and the gripes out the door - we can always get back to those later!  haha!
Have a good one folks.

B






Friday, 17 December 2010

Condensed Milk

It's been a LONG break since my last post and I'm not even coming back at you with a production of philosophical rantings with fotos right now. I've been back in Jamaica for just under 2  weeks and the blessings have been so delicious that I just had to jot down a condensed sweet n' creamy report of recent fortunes.  





Upon arrival I received my copy of the recently released Jamaica Fi Real: Beauty, Vibes and Culture - a book written about Jamaican history, culture, and contemporary life on the island by Kevin O'Brien Chang.   I submitted a couple shots to Randle Publishers earlier in the year, just a couple images I had lying around really - some of which were taken with my little (now old) Canon Powershot S1000 point + shoot.  Anyway the book features about 200 fotos and illustrations - and they printed two of mine.  SWEET!
Original - cliK for a larger view



One as the first foto page...
(Taken in Port Antonio, 2007) 

Original - cliK for Larger View







































...and the other as the Introduction page (which also appears on the back cover)  Yay!!
(Taken @ Hellshire Beach, Kingston, 2010)





For more info on this book or where to buy it check these links:

•CVM TV Interview with writer Kevin O'Brien Chang 
•JA LITERATURE BLOG 

JAMAICA GLEANER ARTICLES: 
Highlighting The Nation's Positives
ARTS + LEISURE: Understanding 'Jamaica Fi Real'
•CHAT BOUT Blog


Check these sellers:

•Jamaica Fi Real from AMAZON BookSellers  
•Bookophilia, 92 Hope Road, Kingston
•Fontana, in Savanna-la-mar, Mandeville, and Montego Bay


 ...
Right - Dyllese, Left Steve, and me, freaked with glee!
The co-conspirators - heehee ;)
Then...my best friends Dyllese(UK)and Steve (GLOBAL) threw me a surprise bday party (in JA) at which a good handful of dear friends were in attendance.  Everyone kept the damn secret via email and a FB group page!  I was so shocked I couldn't stop breaking sweats all night.  haha.  And I keep going on about this because I still can't believe they pulled it off.  To be so actively loved is to be truly blessed.  Endless gratitude and creamy yum!!  :)



...

Berette Macaulay Neue Rootz - Marisa Willoughby-Holland Uprising

After partying LITERALLY all night, I dragged my hung-over ass to the opening of the National Biennial @ the National Gallery of Jamaica the next morning.  I kind of waded through the whole show in a condensed mix of extreme nervousness, nausea, and hazy euphoria.  The two works from my Neue Rootz series seemed to be well received, and really, what more can a girl ask for?!  My childhood friend and ridiculously talented painter, Marisa Willoughby-Holland, also had a piece in the show - and it was great to experience doing one of these things with a close gal-pal. 











(Btw I will also have photo books of all the black and white portraits from Neue Rootz on sale at the gallery, and through an online store - more on that in another post.)









See YardEdge Interview I did with Marisa a couple years ago.  Her work is MINT!

 
...
  

And now...B A H A M A S!!!
Photo Source Link
Extra Rich, Sweet n' Creamy 
;)






Tuesday, 2 November 2010

The e-Con Highway

Money or the lack of money fuels fear, power, fear, greed, fear, control, then fear again, and thus the need to be released from all these things via distraction, and preferably inexpensively and free of consequence.  Welcome to the convergence of the information highway and the super-cause way of acceptable corruption of our minds, imagination, politics, media - de facto - our society.  The loafers often found at this intersection are 'we' the addicted apathetic consumers of the 'have it your way right away' gimmick that holds no truth for anything worth a fuck in this world; but if packaged correctly and flashed before our eyes quickly enough with as few informative words as possible, won't  be unwrapped or checked for ingredients, but rather gobbled up at the drive-up window before speeding off again to the next.

Everything is about economics - everything in this world whether we want to believe it or not, is about money.  And while there are streams of exits we could jump off on in response to that remark, I mean only to focus right now on the economic con of politics and the frightening reality, that it is now nearly entirely driven by private funds/interests/agendas that all boil down to getting more of OUR money whilst giving us less, and, less of an explanation for the shit deal. 

Let's break it down shall we. The borders set up all over the world that are more heavily controlled than ever before, have more to do with controlling the movement of consumers, and the overhead costs of running countries than it has to do with...terror and those who are marketed as the purveyors of it.  Immigration control is a financial concern first and foremost isn't it?  Running a country is running a business, essentially.   Cut overheads, secure the fixed capital which includes land ownership (for majority shareholders) and its use, control distribution, keep the cogs maintained and oiled, upgrade where you can and especially in areas where wear-and-tear can break down the machine, outsource and delegate expensive industries, create cost effective partnerships and efficiency, and increase rest/rejuvenating spaces to keep customers and in-house staff and shareholders healthy...and happy to come and happy to stay without incurring debt.  These are some the basics - often spoken of politically as health care, immigration, education, infrastructure, treaties and trade, bills and legislative laws, environment, etc, etc, etc...etc.  We get emotional and rightfully impatient about these issues because the business is 'us', and the business practices must adhere to the inalienable and indisputable edicts of fair conduct and human rights - and our day to day lives incur immediate data on how well the business is serving our lives; and if the current faltering comforts of living don't change in 2.5 nanoseconds - somebody has got to go down...now. 

Well, I rant on not from a place of financial comfort - I'm an artist, and all the risk that that implies.  But I fancy myself a crude analyst as well, in that I need to distill, compare, correlate, and stratify, in order to understand the macro and the minutia so as to nullify the mind-numbing fear that would certainly result if I didn't.  And THIS my friends is EXACTLY what I'm not supposed to do.  Of course not.  Not in a world that is currently driven by a new culture of attention deficiency that keeps us apathetic rather than critical; overwhelmed from too much information rather than energized by it (guilty here - often guilty!); and thus too tired and happy with our shiny-flashy-media-filled-giggle-toys to be bothered with a thought, let alone act of revolution.

Now I'm no revolutionary.  I love my toys.  And I take lots of pictures so you can look at them on your toys!  I've never held a picket sign or attended a march.  I've been a petition signer, or a volunteer in various relief or art organizations, and ah...that's it folks.  But I do choose to create this much of a footprint here on this blog as my act of revolution - to simply say, I'm on to you funding-machine mutherfuckers!  People, let us not kid about the topic at hand, politicians don't have that kind of money, the private sector does.  I have maintained in private company for some time now that I can barely watch or read the news anymore because it has become oh-too-common, or dare I say, lazy, to blame them - or at least to blame them solely.  The real blame for me lies with the greedy land/big biz/corp owners who amalgamated this paradigm we live in to keep us brilliantly distracted, and now the politicians need them to fund their campaigns the way Zuckerberg had fun creating networks.  Do you see the connection?  We're not so powerless you know - in so far as being able to demand differently anyway. Look at the landslide win that seated a black man in the Presidential office! The trouble is we don't use this voice consistently.   We won't pay attention to any serious issue without it being packaged the same way the private sector packages the merchandise we like to buy!  And who's going to pay for that kind of marketing for financially restricted politicians?  Bingo guys!  The private sector - now having racked up nearly $2bn in campaign spending tomorrow to get your vote or to stop your vote.

Anyone familiar with third world politics, directly or indirectly, can say a thing or two about that slippery slope.  There is a type of corruption that exists in other parts of the world, that no matter what you say, I'm sorry, has never had the privilege of existing here in the US of A.  It's in fact what the nation was founded on, in part, right? Earning your fortune the new fashioned way - by working hard for it, rather than having it by connection, lineage, or sponsorship - like the old monarchies the founding fathers split ways with.  And yes, I am aware that the unfair edges and slopes have been around from jump street everywhere and will be - but that super highway I mentioned at the top of this post just got tilted to a near 72° angle in the last year and if this upcoming election and the wealthy finger-pointing-parties keep tipping it with no intervention from us, it'll hit 96°, and um...that's what you call a free fall.  How did it become so acceptable for people have to use such obscene amounts of money just to convince us to support improvements to our lives?  How did we become so fickle and short-sighted?  Where did the critical conversation go, and the analytical look at the long-sighted plan - or rather the real understanding of work, sacrifice, investment and timely care for sustainable growth?  These are the things that keep a  country evolving, and keep social activism...well...active. 

Now this is all just a general gripe, I don't have all the details of the successes and failures by our current President Obama.  But I do have enough in my noggin to know that his agenda for this country has more to do with the long view improvement plan for us shareholders.  And a personal favourite of his record is that this man holds the correct group responsible; the greedy corporations who sunk our globally collective ship, dried out the land, and sped away atop it, in their gold encrusted Bentleys.  And if you've been paying close attention and doing your cog part in this, some of that has been immediately effective.  But because everything didn't and isn't happening in 2.5 nanoseconds - we're ready to push out the folks who are helping the fella we were so wet for just a mere two years ago. And why, because we have a mid-afternoon-biscuit-and-scones party with no real or current responsibilities or accountability who can spout off risk-free criticisms without cited support and without real refute.  And why again, because they lost money when he charged their friends for greed.  And....WHY would WE side with that gripe of theirs???  It's the most incredible thing to me really.  That all said - I also worried during the elections in 2008, when we saw so many come out in droves to support Obama's proposed policies. Yes, he put a grassroots money cap on how much could be pledged to his campaign...but I wondered what we didn't see...and if he pushed forward with his plans with any integrity - surely this would piss off a few of his new rich friends.  And so...in some cases...it seems this has come to pass...

We live in a nation that should be leading in a good handful of industries, not least of all technology, manufacture, and green energy and we don't have a foothold in any of these - because that other late afternoon party with their pots of money thought it better to export...(why bother list them when the only competitive ones remaining are showbiz and the military)...nearly ALL our industries to other nations to cut overhead costs here.  Hence no jobs.  Hence no 2.5 nanosecond economic or employment rebound.  Hence our faltering infrastructure with few remaining experienced/skilled/trained labor to address it.  Hence unhappy shareholders.  Quite simple really, and not such a smart way to run a business is it?  Rather, a stupid and shortsighted way for you and me, while their pockets get longer under the cutting table in the stretch-custom-fitted-G5-winged-Bentley taking off from our barren highway for a weekend in Dubai!

Yep this is a long one, and I don't get so political usually and I know I often give you pics too (back to that next time, I promise)  - but for God's sake people, use your voice while we still have a bit of a lean on this slope.  Barrack Obama still has the office for another two years, and what he is able to do while there is quite dependent on these elections.  So yes, this started actually as a spontaneus gripe, but has turned into a plea for you to vote today. It's harder for any of us to speak up when we're piled up over the edge of any highway if it leads us to nowhere, or worse, veers 96° down.




-Voting Offices by State

Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Youthful Heroism Dressed in Pink

 My relationship with cancer is for the most part a repressed one.  I have it in my family; my grand-aunt, grandmother,  and other relatives had it, my father battled it for years, as well as some very significant friends of mine.  But, for the first time actually, I am acknowledging publicly that I've never really ventured into a real conversation about this neither with friends or family.  The platform just hasn't yet appeared to explore how I feel about it, how it concerns me, or influences my lifestyle choices, etc - and I don't even know the reason why - which on my worse days I judge quite harshly. I seem to face-off and blurt out all manner of things - but alas - this silent Machiavellian disease is a mum subject for me and I'll dare say for my loved ones too.   And while the title features the word 'heroism' - I must admit, this is as far as my valiant efforts will take me today, until I can rap on the door of this topic again with pink ribbon waving high. Til then, I wanted to do something here in the last days of this very important month, to share two somewhat related things I recently came across that inspired me and why.  





All stories from anyone whose life has been touched by cancer are rife with episodic or spasmodic, maddening reports of impossibly persistent fortitude in fighting it, or in soldiering on when it has robbed us of our cherished friend, cousin, sister, mother, brother, father, or child. There is always inspiration to be found in recounts of caregivers or receivers during this illness and its trying treatments; but there is also the most incomprehensible force of energy to be gained from any simple triumphant report over the powerlessness this disease seems to fabricate.
There are, in my estimation, two such examples below - each infused with beauty, a touch of the silly, with brilliant simplicity fused with complex imaginative victories...over what is, well...definitively destructive.  Art is creative, as is science, and the greatest abandon in creativity is often expressed youthfully - which has always been symbolised so perfectly by the pink ribbons we see everywhere during Breast Cancer Month. So while not directly related to breast cancer - I hope you see the connective tissue of these youthful forms of heroism.


Dedicated to us all - may we always imagine our way past the impossible. 


The Women Project::::by JR - 2011 Ted Prize Winner
"Women Are Heroes"

Synopsis Excerpt: The Women project wants to underline their pivotal role and to highlight their dignity by shooting them in their daily lives and posting them on the walls of their country.

On the other hand, by posting the same images of these women in Western countries, the project allows everyone to feel concerned by their condition and connects, through art, the two different worlds.

Kenya, South-Sudan, Sierra-Leone, Liberia




"Could cancer be caused by the body's own repair system going awry?"
:::::::by Eva Vertes, a fresh faced 19 year old at the time of this talk, shows her genius creative curiousity in exploring how to cure cancer

Eva Vertes is a microbiology prodigy. Her discovery, at age 17, of a compound that stops fruit-fly brain cells from dying was regarded as a step toward curing Alzheimer's. Now she aims to find better ways to treat -- and avoid -- cancer.   She asks this and other breathtaking questions in her conference-closing 2005 talk. Her approach marks an important shift in scientific thinking, looking in brand-new places for cancer's cause -- and its cure. Her ultimate goal, which even she calls far-fetched, is to fight cancer with cancer.


       

                     
                   




                    

Sunday, 10 October 2010

Some talk about a new project ...'BRANDED'


So finally - a chat about the creative part of the journey - or at least, the current inspiration for my artistic trippin'.  I know it seems like I've been vacationing and getting rewarded for it - haha.  But the truth is my last couple of trips to Jamaica have mainly been about work, work-work-work.  I have 3 new projects slow roasting on the burner now  - but the higher fire is under a series called BRANDED...therefore I AM which I started in the early Spring of this year.  

I've had a couple of delicious 'AHA' moments over the past year and a half regarding the use of social websites, and the maddeningly-genius-connectivity-of-a-near-socio-psychotic-reality that bothered the heck out of me but didn't seem to bother as many other people as I'd thought!  Of course I'm a player and therefore a part of this online global community shift, so it feels oddly dissociative to criticize the mediums that I use on a daily basis - but, my fascination with human complexities and my studies in psychology just dragged me into this analytical and critical discourse - and naturally I had to figure out how to create work out of it.  Hence the first 'exile' image of the series that I posted back in April:
BRANDED - Fool In Exile




BRANDED... is in essence, a rudimentary representation of the seemingly open and sophisticated, yet phatic self-branding we often create on social websites. It is comprised of a series of location portrait and nude photographs showing aphorisms or phrases on body painted subjects; a video short; and an interactive installation (a secret until showtime);  all serving as observations or portrayals of private thoughts and social fears of rejection, isolation, or persecution, - or conversely - social wishes of mass acceptance, popularity, power, and influence.  BRANDED... however, is raw on purpose. I don't want to create polished imagery because I want to test our senses to see if a crudely created image can still be visually, psychologically, and emotionally tangible. And, in this mass intangible coming together there seems to me to be a new collective isolation which begs at the very least, for some mental masturbation on the matter!

I have interviewed a number of people so far for this work, and in so doing I've been inspired to conduct a full scale survey on the usage habits of social websites (which will take me back to my school days when I had to do surveys for my social psych papers - ahhhh!).  It's so fascinating how we all have deeply rooted ideas about our identities and character traits, and how sharply these ideas sometimes contradict our online (onstage) personas.  And what I've found even more interesting is how some of us seem to need to express these altered parts of ourselves to jumpstart or finish our days!  But sadly, if we're not careful, we can be 'outed' but not-so-friendly 'friends'.
BRANDED - Beautiful Mistakes


Just a few days ago it was reported that a young man, shamed in the virtual world by his roommate, shared his last words on Facebook before jumping off the very real George Washington Bridge in New York.¹  And I just heard on the news this week that the first US internet withdrawal clinic (requiring physical check-ins, as opposed to that of virtual clinics -  a sardonic  contradiction) just opened up in Washington!  Actually the nation with the second largest web user population of 94 million*, China, beat the USA (the largest user pop) to this back in 2005, with the opening of a Web Addiction Center for children and young adults - after government officials  cited concerns that the internet was "eroding public morality". And speaking of that - don't you  find it troubling that face-to-face contact has not only decreased as a result of our online social lives, but with the acceptability of our web/iphone/bberry-time demands, many of us actively create that decrease in our scheduled time for hanging out with our friends?  Will the norm of staring into screens make us socially enept?  I kind of think so.  And as a friend of mine noted, and aptly too, even when we are in each others company - the unspoken understanding is that at least 50% of that time will be devoted to staying connected on our devices while chowing on brunch or in the theater watching a flick! 

I just stumbled upon yet another by-product of this phenomenal shift on the BBC news site where the new business concept of friendship rental services are now popping up in several countries - where, yes guys, people are renting 'friends' so they can have company in their actual lives since their real friends are too busy to go to the movies or check out a new restaurant, etc; like online dating if you will. Now some of you may say, 'that's never gonna take off' - 'those people need to get a life' - 'that shit is for looo-sers'; not far from the general protests to social websites in recent years too, until one by one...we conformed.  The point is - this is not my imagination (well duh Berette!)- the virtual world is so close to really taking over that  I have to ask if this 1984-BigBro-touchless-life-of-staring-into-lit-screens is really the way to get closer or to keep in touch (as we ironically justify it)??? Do we want to live in the matrix; I mean really? And though it may seem like it, no, this is not meant to be a seditious plea against the advertising mecca** of Facebook and the like; I mean, maybe all the entertaining online bonding and networking benefits outweigh the unfortunate  community expropriations*** - who knows? I'm just inspired to examine its effects, on me, my relationships, and social behavioral changes in general - for the good and for the bad.  And where Facebook is concerned, how can one effectively speak out against the Goliath of middle and upper class conformity of 500+ million??!!
BRANDED - Signs of Success
Where ever one stands on this topic (which may soon spark sensitive reactions in proportions akin to the other hot topics like religion, politics, and sex)the newly released film "the social network" from the brilliant mind of Aaron Sorkin, has really put the topic on the big thinking table now, which kinda feels like a notarization of my artistic response - heehee - so I am thus, in a rush to share this with you, on my blog, before the tangible gallery exhibit.  And, um, to the first obvious counter response here - touché.
BRANDED - Running for Stillness


 


More Reading:
 ¹ - UPDATE  Rutgers webcam spy Dharun Ravi sentenced to 30 days,  May 2012 
*Wired Magazine, Beijing Clinic Treats Web Addicts, July 3rd, 2005
**Bloomberg Businessweek, How Facebook Sells Your Friends, Sept 24, 2010 
***Net Addiction Souces



 © BRANDED (...therefore I AM)  in name, concept, and imagery are the copyrighted property of Berette Macaulay/SeBiArt.  All rights reserved.

Sunday, 3 October 2010

SeBiArt upcoming show dates


Hey Jamrockers and New Yorkers,

I have a couple of shows coming up in both spots - soooo between the lot of you, some of you in either place should be able to check my work out on one of the dates!  Ha - mouthful!  I'm still high on back painkillers okay.   :)


Okay so first there's the JCDC/NGJ Traveling Showcase featuring all the award winning works from the National Visual Arts competition. And yep-yep - my award winning Liquid Trees image from this summer will be featured! HellZ-yeah! So if you missed it at the National Gallery - check it at one of these spots.

See Details here (click image for larger view)



Next up is Critical Mass, a group exhibit at HeadQuarters Gallery in TriBeCa, NYC.  The event will be hosted by Art for Progress, featuring original works by 16 artists and curated by Natalie Kates.  All works will be for sale through the gallery and will be up for only two days!  

Details here (click image for larger view):  


As for my current creative efforts(funny that I rarely discuss my actual day-to-day-creative-work-life on my blog...I wonder why that is...hmmmmm....chin scratch...ANYhoo), I've been working on a series called BRANDED since the Spring.  Gonna dive into that in my next jotting.  


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